


Best Friends with Fringe Benefits

by pandorasxbox



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Bottom Fíli, Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, Double Dating, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, High School, Horny Teenagers, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Lies, Living Together, Loyalty, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mistakes, Mutual Masturbation, Ori Is a Little Shit, Ori is the best man, Original Character Death(s), Party, Pretending to be straight, Regret, School Dances, Sexual Confusion, Sleepovers, Top Kíli, Tragedy, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, fili and kili are not related, homophobic elder, truth too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:56:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox/pseuds/pandorasxbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili were born to be best friends, growing up spending so much time together they became as close as brothers. Through their teen years Fili found himself becoming attracted to Kili, keeping his feelings to himself for the most part while Kili obsessed with girls and sex much to Fili's dismay. Controlling how he felt around Kili became especially hard for Fili from the moment he began letting Kili use him to experiment with sex.<br/>Both of their lives are suddenly turned upside down just as Fili is about to tell Kili how he really feels about him. With this life altering change upsetting their lives, Fili feels he can never be more than Kili's best friend with fringe benefits now continuing to let Kili use him sexually.<br/>Keeping his secret into adulthood pretending to be straight, Fili is about to make a huge mistake by not telling Kili he is in love with him at a very crucial moment in their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story in celebration of my one year anniversary of joining and posting my stories on AO3 coming up at the end of the month, though I've been reading anonymously here much, much longer ;) 
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this story to the lovely people I chat with on Tumblr, and everyone who have left comments on my FiKi stories (does not include Ori’s story or My Heart, I’ve already started one for my Thorin/Kili-Fili/Frerin readers and unfortunately forgot to add this message to it but I intend to correct that soon). The comments you left helped me more than you know to get through to the end of a story. I am in no way looking for more comments/kudos from these people!!! This is just my way of saying thank you to them whether or not they even read this story because without their supportive comments I could’ve easily given up.
> 
> Anathema_Cat, FiliKiliThorinForever, Gaaladrieel, tigrislilium, Eldariel84, ItsFili, bloatedblond, xNamikaze, Ruairi, Astaraiche, Silva_13, LadyOfPearls, Nori_getashovel(vlh114), crazy_ideas056, Finduilas88, L_The_other_consulting_detective, Giantrubbermoose, ironhawkofmischief, Betzalee, mjeanuniverse, milomouse, lynnluv, Methedel, DragonFireCheetah, nasri
> 
> A HUGE thank you to every single one of you that have come back and continue to read my stories even if you don't leave comments, it means so much to me to see those repeat readers continuing to return for more including you anonymous readers! Your silent support is very much appreciated as well! I was going to list some of you too, but was afraid I might accidentally leave someone out, and would hate for that to happen, but you know who you are ;)  
> I truly love this fandom and everyone in it <3 I hope you enjoy my anniversary story (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these Tolkien/Jackson characters.

Before they were even born, Fili and Kili were destine to be best friends. Their mothers had been best friends their entire lives, and from a young age the girls began plotting and planning how someday their children would be the best of friends as they had been going so far as to pick out rhyming names for them. 

Of course life never goes as planned, and things turned out much different for the young women than they ever dreamt it would be like. Faralyn married a wonderful dedicated man she met at a friend's party living in a cute little two bedroom home with their two dogs. Before she could finish her second year of college Faralyn got pregnant, while coincidentally Dis unexpectedly got pregnant a month later after moving her unemployed musician boyfriend in with her as he continued to feed her lies about the great record deal his band was going to get any day now. 

Dis's oldest brother, Thorin had no problem speaking his mind about the loser that was taking advantage of her, threatening to hunt him down and kill him for running out on his baby sister two months before she was to give birth. Knowing Dis couldn't take care of herself and a newborn alone, Thorin did whatever he could to help her out moving her in with him just before the baby was born. 

After Faralyn gave birth to Fili, the young mothers anxiously waited another month for Kili to arrive. They knew in their hearts their sons would grow up to be like brothers as they themselves felt so close as sister. Always there for one another through good times and bad.

Unfortunately, for Fili’s mother, bad times came much sooner in life than any of them could have foreseen. Keeping the news from reaching Fili’s ears though he was much too young to understand, she was diagnosed with breast cancer a week before she lost her husband.

Fili’s father was a police officer that lost his life while off-duty, heroically saving a woman from a would-be murderous kidnapper one late evening in the parking lot of a local shopping center. Knowing his daddy would never return caused the little one to become withdrawn, and afraid of everyone though he would grow up to be confident and stronger from it all. 

Luckily for Fili he had Kili who was there to hold him and wipe away the tears when he needed more than his mother’s hug. His best friend was the only one besides his mother he could count on to be there for him and to cheer him up when he was upset or sad. No one could pull a heartier laugh out of Fili making his dimples show bringing joy to his life faster than Kili.

Fili had Kili to help him through his first day of preschool. Too afraid to let go of his mother’s leg fearing what lay beyond the doorway to the next room. Afraid something would happen to his mommy and she would never return for him, Fili screamed and cried as she and the teacher tried to pry his chubby little hands from her jeans as he held tightly gripping the material hanging on to her for dear life. “Nooooo! Moooomy! I wanna stay with you! Don’t leave me!” 

From the other room, Kili heard the terrified wailing. Recognizing the cries of his best friend, the heroic little brunet kept the toy sword in his hand as he went running to into the front room to rescue Fili. When he saw his friend was really alright, no bad guys to fight and no monsters in sight, the tiny tot lowered his sword. “What’s the matter, Fili?”

The moment Fili saw Kili, the crying and hysterics ceased followed by sniffles while wiping the tears from his crystal blue eyes and tear-stained cheeks on the sleeve of his favorite little blue hoodie. Sweaty golden blond ringlets framed Fili’s face that lit up at the sight of his best friend. “Kili!”

“Don’t cry, Fee! It’s fun here, and I’m here! We’re gonna have lots of fun together! Come on!” Taking his friend by the hand, Fili smiled and waved good-bye to his relieved mother. She wiped a few tears from her own eyes giving her baby a quick hug and kiss good-bye making a photographic memory of how sweet his dimples looked as he smiled running away hand-in-hand with Kili. 

That day was the first of day of many they would have each other for every milestone in their lives. From learning to swim, riding a bike to tying their shoes, riding the school bus on their first day of kindergarten, Fili had Kili, and Kili had Fili.

On the first day of fifth grade, Fili got a black-eye he wore proudly for defending Kili from the school bully. When people made comments suggesting Fili lost the fight, the blond laughed about his swollen eye because, “You should’ve seen the way I made Azog beg me to stop beating the crap outta him! He looks way worse than I do! I’m sure he’ll think twice about messing with Kili again!” 

Kili was a fighter too, but he knew if he was ever in a tough fight, Fili would always show up to finish the fight and vice versa. They always had each other’s back.

It wasn’t until puberty really took off leaving their innocence completely in the dust somewhere around fifteen, the boys began to spend more time away from one another as they made new friends at school since they didn’t always have the same classes together, and girls of course became a daily hot topic, one that Fili didn’t seem to take much interest in as his best friend. Of course he was curious about girls and sex, but he wasn’t as obsessed as Kili has become.

Even when they were in elementary school, the girls would giggle, and make eyes at Kili while Fili rolled his baby blues at how silly he thought they were. Especially Tauriel, but for some reason that Fili could never fathom was why Kili had a secret crush on the obnoxious redheaded little girl. She was outspoken and brazen. Maybe Kili felt she was a challenge, who knew.

It was the summer between eighth and ninth grade, spending the night with Kili, the boys came in from a late evening swim still dripping wet with water dripping from their swim trunks and long curls, wrapped in towels shivering from the contrast of hot humid summer night air to the freezing cold air conditioned home.

Kili’s uncle, Thorin cringed seeing the trail of water left across the hardwood floor. “Hurry up and get to your bathroom to change before your mother gets home and sees this floor! Somehow this’ll be my fault for sure!” 

The boys shuffled along until they heard the garage door opening. Kili reached out and grabbed Fili by the arm to pull him along. “Oh gods, Mom’s home! Hurry, Fee!” Running as fast as they could to avoid the wrath of Dis, they tossed their towels at Thorin on their way upstairs abandoning him like a box of unwanted kittens.

Laughing and stumbling their way into the small bathroom the boys, quieted down enough to hear Dis going off on Thorin about how irresponsible he was for letting the boys leave their basketballs, skateboards and bicycles in the driveway that she had to get out of the car to move to park in the garage. For feeding them a whole bag of pizza rolls with a couple of energy drinks for dinner, and why the hell was there dishes piled up on the coffee table in the family room? Then of course to top it off, why did he let them get her brand new hardwood floor she spent four hours cleaning sopping wet!

“Poor Thorin.” Slowly shaking his blond curl Fili sympathized, but Kili continued to laugh about it all giving his friend a playful shove. “Better him than us!” Turning around Kili pulled off his swim trunks and threw the wet garment over the shower door before he slid the door open to get into the shower turning on the spray of hot water to warm himself and clean up.

For the first time ever, Fili felt awkward about being naked around his best friend. Growing up together, they’d seen each other naked hundreds of times before, and seeing Kili naked right now shouldn’t have been any different. It shouldn’t have an affect him at all, but it did. Those annoying involuntary erections couldn’t have made a more inappropriate untimely appearance. 

“Come on, Fee, hurry up and get in the shower with me so we can go in my room and watch that movie you wanted to see.” 

“I can’t.”

Kili peeked at him from around the shower door. “Why not?”

“I just can’t...You’ll laugh at me.”

“What do you mean? Why would I laugh at you?”

Stepping into the shower still wearing his swim trunks made Kili even more curious why his friend was being so weird all of sudden.

“Fee? What’s up?”

Fili would’ve laughed at the question if he hadn’t been so mortified at the moment. “Just leave me alone, okay? Geez!” 

With a careful push, Fili shoved Kili away from the spray of water so he could rinse the pool water out of his curls before using the shampoo. Waiting to get back under the water to rinse the soap off his body, Kili noticed what he assumed Fili’s problem was. 

“You got a boner, don’t you?” 

Seeing the smirk on the brunet’s face made Fili want to strangle him. “Like you never get them! Gods, Kee, I just didn’t want you to see it!”

“Damn Fee, why are you getting so defensive? I’ll hurry up and get outta here so you can take care of it.” Rinsing the soap bubbles off his tanned skin, the skinny brunet tried to finish his shower quickly.

Feeling bad, Fili really didn’t mean to snap at his friend. “I’m sorry. It’s just it’s been happening a lot lately, and it’s frustrating. So embarrassing, ya know?” 

If things couldn’t get more awkward, Kili just made the most outrageous suggestion that almost killed Fili right there. “I could take care of it for you, if you’d want me to.”

“What?”

“Would you do it for me?” 

The dryness in Fili’s throat choked him as he tried to reply. “Why? Why would you, why would I…”

“You know, like we could experiment so when we the chance to make out with a girl we won’t be so nervous! We’ll know what to expect, and be able to tell them how we like it. Tell them what feels good.” The simplicity in which Kili explained his reasoning floored Fili as if it was the most common basic thing to do. 

“That’s just…fuck Kee!” It wasn’t that Fili didn’t want it, he actually thought it sounded like an interesting idea, but so unexpected, though this was Kili and coming from him he shouldn’t have been so surprised knowing how horny his friend had been talking about girls and sex non-stop lately.

Batting those long dark eyelashes dropping his eyes downwards, Kili wanted to touch his friend more than he should have desired especially at their age, but his curiosity was piqued as his immature cock started to become aroused at the thought of Fili touching him. It didn't take much prodding for Fili to finally give in to Kili's playful suggestion allowing Kili's nervous hand to slide around his stiff erection. 

Holding themselves steady with a hand on each other's shoulder, Fili hissed slightly feeling a hand other than his own wrap around his cock. "Touch me, Fee." Kili knew his friend was nervous too, so he guided his hand to his groin eagerly wanting to know how it will feel to have someone else touching him there. Fili's smaller yet stronger hand gliding smoothly up and down his rapidly stiffening shaft took his breath away for a moment. "This feels even better than I thought it would." 

The boys tried to keep up the same rhythm, but Fili's already over-sensitive cock was ready to spill. If this was a race to see who could come faster, Fili was most definitely the winner. Panting heavily, Fili kept his hand on Kili though he needed a moment to catch his breath before resuming his work on his friend. 

Kili smiled with satisfaction knowing he could make his friend come so easily. "I hope I can make girls come that easily when I fuck them!" 

Fili didn't need to hear that. He turned themselves around shoving Kili against the shower wall. With one hand place on the wall next to his head, Fili continued to palm Kili's stiff cock. "You're such a slut, Kili!" 

When Kili closed his eyes to focus on how amazing Fili was making his throbbing member feel, Fili leaned his forehead against his friend's pressing him against the shower wall for leverage. Vigorously pumping his friend's cock, in the heat of the moment he had an overwhelming urge to kiss Kili, but resisted the temptation as he finally got Kili off. Feeling the warm seed spurting over his hand sent a shiver through him knowing he needed to back away, but he wanted to linger this way a moment longer. 

"That was awesome, Fee!" The brunet caught the remorseful look in Fili's eyes, but chose not to ask. "Come on. Let's get washed off so we can get outta here and go watch that movie now." It was that simple. Kili could move on like nothing just happened between them, but Fili felt hollow. 

~`~

Late that night lying in Kili’s queen size bed sprawled out wrapped in blankets watching a movie sharing a bowl of popcorn, Fili thought about what they had done in the shower earlier. It seemed so wrong on every level, but Kili didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all. 

_‘Why does it matter to me so much?’_ he wondered. Always spontaneous, the crazy ideas Kili could come up with never ceased to amaze Fili, but he loved his best friend’s ability to go with the flow no matter what they did, but this. This was significant. He regretted ever going along with Kili’s idea to jerk each other off in the shower because he enjoyed having Kili touching him way too much. It was so wrong, but now he wanted to experience it again. 

Days afterwards, Fili started to question his sexuality, because Kili was all he could think about replacing thoughts of the cute little raven haired girl from his history class he thought he had the hots for. Slipping his hand down into his underwear he breathed out his best friend's name. Now when he laid in bed at night palming himself, he could only imagine it was Kili touching him. 

Fili found himself in quite a quandary, wanting to feel his friend's hands on him again though he was not about to ask for it, but Kili never brought it up as if it never happened. And of course, Fili certainly didn't want to let Kili to think he liked it enough for them to do it even if Kili suggested it again. To Kili what they did in the shower was done and over with. It was just a thing they did in secrecy between best friends to experiment, never thinking of Fili in a sexual way. 

Girls were the only thing on Kili’s mind driving Fili insane talking more shit than anything knowing his friend would never get to do half the stuff he talked about until he was an adult, _if_ he could find a woman willing to do those things with him. Looking through his fingers at the images Kili pulled up on his laptop of some porn website he found getting passed the parental controls made Fili cringe.

“Gods Kee! Why would anybody want to do that?” The said with disgust.

Kili laughed at how uncomfortable Fili was wondering if he was really that immature about sex or if he was insecure with himself. 

“Fee? Would you touch me again? I’ll do it for you...just like we did...” It was the first time since the shower incident Fili realized Kili had not forgotten about it. Even more awkward now because he didn’t see any real reason for the invitation besides being a very horny teen.

“Shut up.” Fili snapped. “I can take care of myself, and so can you!” _'Oh fuck Kili, if you only knew how bad I want you to touch me again!'_ Fili knew Kili didn't want it for the same reason he did. Kili was just horny again as usual. 

Hearing the obvious tension in Fili’s voice, Kili decided it was probably best to never bring it up again, or Fili was going to get the wrong idea about his intentions.

~`~

Late January, Kili had planned to go to his friend, Bard's house just up the street to work on a school project together. Trudging through the snow, Kili made his way up to his neighbor's front door on the half shoveled driveway. Seconds after he knocked on the door, Bard whipped open the door with the most frightened look about him.

"Kili!" He said in a panic. "Fili! He's been in a terrible car accident!" 

Knowing Bard's father was a paramedic, Kili felt the blood drain from his face feeling numb. "What happened?!"

"Dad said they must have hit a patch of ice and the car spun out going over the embankment, flipping over and hit a tree. Apparently they were trapped for a while, and had to be cut out of the car. Dad was the first one there to take care of Fili and his mom."

"Oh my God! Are they alright now?"

With a shoulder shrug, Bard shook his head. "I don't know. Dad said neither one looked very good when they rushed them off to the hospital." Seeing Kili's distress, Bard wasn't sure what to say knowing Fili was his best friend. "I'm sorry, Kee. I'm sure they'll be alright."

Struggling to run through the snow, Kili never slowed down heading straight home trailing snow through the hallway screaming for his mother. Thorin had just returned home from work changing clothes upstairs in his room when he heard the frantic teen calling for his mom.

“Kili? Kili! What’s wrong?” Running down the stairs to meet the distraught teen halfway, he could tell something awful had happened the way he was shaking trying to calm him enough to find out what was troubling him.

“F-Fili!” The sobbing teen choked out.

Thorin’s heart dropped fearing the worst. “What about Fili?”

“Fili and Faralyn were in a horrible car wreck…they’re in the hospital! I need to see Fili! Please!” 

Thorin grabbed his phone to call Dis who was already at the hospital. Since Faralyn had no other family members, Dis was notified right away being her best friend’s emergency contact. 

"Dis? What's going on? Are they alright?" When his sister didn't answer right away, he knew something was wrong. "Dis?"

With a squeak as her voice couldn't speak holding back tears, she tried to come to terms with it all. "Thorin, I'm so afraid..."

Being in denial, Thorin didn't want to believe the accident was as bad as Dis made it seem. "Kili wants to see Fili. Can I bring him to the hospital?"

"No! No. I don't want him to see Fili this way. Fili wouldn't know Kili was here anyway." With a slight pause, she had to end the conversation. "He hasn't been conscious since the paramedics brought him in." With another long pause, Dis continued. "Thorin...when they did the CT scan on Faralyn, they found that her cancer is back...and it has spread..." 


	2. Chapter 2

Thorin couldn’t take it anymore watching Kili fall apart being told he wasn’t allowed to see Fili, and it had only been two days. Dis spent hours at the hospital with her best friend, and sitting with Fili for a little bit too. As she was about to leave for the hospital on the third day, Thorin intervened. 

“Dis, I think you should let Kili go with you to visit with Fili. I know you said he wouldn’t know Kili was there, but I beg to differ. He might be able to hear what's going on around him.” 

Just as Thorin was about to continue pleading with his sister, Kili stepped into the room. “Mom…Thorin’s right. I don’t want Fili to think I didn’t care enough to come see him. What if he can hear? Maybe if he hears me, he’ll wake up. Maybe he’ll get well sooner. Please let me go with you!”

With a nod, Dis understood how important it was to Kili to see his best friend. "Alright, but remember you can't stay very long."

Walking into the IC unit, the nurse wasn't going to let Kili in to see Fili, but Dis convinced them he wouldn't stay long, and they hoped his visit would help Fili. At first Kili was afraid of what he would see entering the sterile room. Other than all the wires, tubes, and monitors hooked up to his friend, Fili just looked like he was asleep aside from a few cuts that were stitched up and a big deep purple and blue bruise covering half his face and down one arm. 

As he approached Fili's bedside, Kili wiped a tear from his eye as his head snapped back at his mother with surprised relief. "He doesn't look as bad as I thought he would."

"I'm sure he's going to be alright, Kee. He took quite a hard hit. They just need to keep a close watch on him until he wakes up, and the doctor just caught me to tell me before I came in he had been showing signs of waking up, and they hoped it would be very soon." With a slight smile, she gave hope to her son.

"Can I talk to him alone, Mom?" 

"Of course, sweetie! I'm going to visit with Faralyn down the hall. Don't be too long, dear." Stepping out of the room, Dis did as she planned leaving Kili alone with Fili.

At first he felt awkward talking to someone who wouldn't or couldn't response, but this was Fili. He could say anything to him, so why should this be any different. "I miss you, Fee. You have to get better soon. Who's going to help me with my math homework? You know Mr. Smith's been such a dick to me lately because I just don't understand what we're working on like you do. And I don't know anybody who likes the same movies and music as we do. Oh! And you have to get well so we can go see that new movie together you've been talking about all year! It's coming out in a couple weeks. And of course, you know you're the only one that can challenge me on the video games we play! Ori's so lame at video games, and Bard's been grounded..." The teen rambled on to his friend a while longer about anything he could think of until he felt it was time to go.

With a smile Kili sort of laughed, but Fili was still. Taking his friend's hand in his, he gave it a little squeeze. "I gotta go, Fee, but I promise I'll come back to see you again tomorrow. Promise me you'll get well soon, okay?" Kili looked around to make sure he was alone before he leaned over and kissed his best friend's unresponsive lips as a tear fell on Fili's cheek. "I love you, Fili. I love you more than you know." Just as he started to let go of Fili's hand, the blond squeezed his hand.

Kili gasped. "Fili? Can you hear me?" He was sure he hadn't imagined what he felt. "Squeeze my hand again if you can hear me, please!" Again as Kili started to let go, Fili gripped his hand tighter this time so he couldn't let go. "Fili! You're waking up! I need to get somebody, you need to let go now!"

Fili was waking up, and he was afraid. He did heard Kili, and he didn't want to let go.

*

Down the hallway, Faralyn spoke with Dis about her future. What she had to say, pretty much went without saying. "Of course when I'm gone I'll need you to take care of Fili. I know you will."

"You'll be around to take care of him yourself, don't you talk like that!" Dis knew better, and Faralyn knew she knew it. It didn't even sound convincing. "I'm sorry, Fara. I can't imagine my life without you. Of course I'll take good care of Fili. He's already been like my second son since he was born anyway."

Faralyn grinned through teary eyes. "I wish I could live long enough to see him graduate, but...I know I don't have that much time left." The courageous young woman had already been through so much dealing with her breast cancer so many years ago while coping with the loss of her husband, and raising a very active three year old. She could have never done it all alone, and was forever thankful to have such a great friend as Dis. 

"Dis, you have to promise me you won't talk about my condition with Kili or around Fili. I don't want Fili to worry about me. I know I won't be able to keep it a secret forever, but...until I can't hide it any longer, I don't want him to know." Dis felt otherwise, but if this is what she wished, then so be it. Faralyn was a much stronger woman than she felt she would ever be in her situation. 

Kili abruptly opened Faralyn's hospital room door looking for his mother. "Fili! He's waking up! I told you if I came to see him he would wake up!" 

~`~

In time, Fili recovered fully from his brain injury that Kili joked about seeing the x-rays that he finally had proof his friend had a brain. Fili wasn't so amused and wished he could see an x-ray of Kili's head because he was sure his had to be the size of a pea, or at best his brain vacated his head to relocate in his dick.

For the first time in his life, Fili was actually glad to be going back to school, first and foremost because he was thankful he survived the car crash and that he wasn't permanently injured somehow. Second of all, he was actually getting bored laying around the house while all his friends were in school, and his mom who had recovered from her injuries had gone back to work leaving him alone all day. 

Walking into the school his first day back, Fili felt like a rock star the way all his classmates and friends sincerely welcomed him back. On his way to lunch with his friend, Ori, a girl from his math class approached him with a bright smile. "Hi Fili!" 

Assuming she was just going to welcome him back like everyone else did today, the blond kept walking. "Hey, uh...Crystal." _'I think that's her name. Yeah. Crystal.'_

"I'm really glad you're back! Everyone was so worried about you." Her eyes sort of twinkled almost as bright as her smile trying to keep Fili from walking away from her. "I, uh, wanted to ask you if, well, maybe if you weren't doing anything Friday night, if you'd want to go to the movies with me?" 

Fili was shocked at all the attention he'd received already today, but having this girl he barely knew ask him to go to a movie with her was completely unexpected. Even though he was caught off guard by the invitation, he had a quick honest answer for her as Ori stood by waiting patiently for this girl to stop flirting with his friend. 

"I can't. Sorry, I already have plans to go to the movies with Kili Friday night." As he started away again, Crystal stopped him with a reply he really wasn't prepared for. 

"Kili invited my best friend, Amber to go to the movies with him Friday night. I thought maybe if I asked you, we could, I don't know, maybe have a double date?" 

Ori continued to watch Fili fail as the blond's jaw dropped open. "Kili invited Amber? We had plans! We've had plans for months to see that movie!" Kili promised Fili, he would not go see the new movie they had talked about for so long without him, waiting until he was back to his old self again. _'How dare he ditch me to ask a girl to go with him!'_

The girl with the lavender streaked blond hair apparently didn't catch how upset Fili was over ditching him to make a date with her friend. "So? Do you want to go with me?" she asked stepping into his personal space making Fili very uncomfortable all of a sudden, giving him a come-hither look. "We could have a really good time..." 

"I can't. I'm seeing someone." Ori's eyebrow shot up curious who this person Fili was referring to because this was the first he'd heard of this speculative love interest of his. 

"Oh." Was all the girl could say before Kili joined them. 

"Hey Fee! So? Are you and Crystal going to go to the movie with me and Amber?" If looks kill, Kili would be dead on the spot. 

With a mischievous grin, Ori could resist the urge to stir things up even more. "Fili can't go with Crystal because he's seeing someone." 

The silence between the three boys and the girl was broken when Kili burst out laughing until he realized Fili wasn't laughing about it. "Oh my gods, Fee! Why didn't you tell me? Who is she?" 

Now Fili wanted to kill Ori for saying anything about this to Kili. "I gotta go." The blond pushed his way past Kili leaving Ori behind. 

Kili was still at a loss as to why he was just learning of this mystery girl in his best friend's life. "Fee?!" Looking back at Ori, he wanted answers. "Do you know who it is?" 

Ori shrugged and walked off to find Fili. "Don't ask me, I just found out a few minutes ago too!" 

After Ori finally found Fili in the cafeteria, he begged forgiveness to be allowed to sit with friend. Refusing to say anything more about the matter to Ori at first, Fili finally gave in. His deepest secret was eating him alive, and he had to talk to someone about it. Ori was the only one of his friends he felt he could trust, even if he did give him up to Kili a few moments ago. 

"You have _got_ to keep this to yourself, or I _will_ kill you without regret if you say _anything_ to _anybody_ , do you understand? I may not be as strong as I was before the accident, but I know I can still break you in half, Ori." Ori had always been afraid of Fili when they were in elementary school, and took his older brother's advice to make friends with the blond to stay on his good side, not to mention it didn't hurt to have a badass friend like Fili to keep bullies away. 

"You can trust me, Fee. I promise I won't ever say anything." Ori meant what he said, but didn't realize how hard to would be to keep that promise in the future. 

*

Right after school, Kili went straight to Fili's house, banging on the door he was going to demand answers. "What?!" Fili shouted at his friend standing in his doorway. 

Pushing his way into the house, the brunet slammed the door behind him giving his friend an almost comical pouty look. "Why didn't tell me? Me! Your best friend, you're seeing someone?! You just got back to school today, when did all this happen? Who is she? Why would you keep this a secret from me?!" 

If he wasn't angry with him, Fili would've been really turned on how aggressive and assertive Kili was being at the moment. "I'm not."

Kili continued to rant until he realized what Fili just said. "We've shared all our secrets with each other, I can't believe...wait...what do you mean, you're not? Did you lie about seeing someone?" 

"Yes. I lied. I don't want to go see that movie with that girl. Kee, you know I've been waiting for months to see that movie, and I wanted to see it with you, not Crystal, and most definitely not on a double-date!" Fili still couldn't believe his best friend didn't see anything wrong with making this surprise change in their plans. 

It finally sunk in why Fili was so upset. "I'm sorry, Fee. I should've asked you, but it all happened so fast. I overheard Amber talking about the movie, and you know I've been hot for her for a long time. I wasn't thinking, I just jumped at the chance that maybe she'd want to go with me, us, and I thought maybe you'd like Crystal. She's pretty hot, isn't she?" 

Fili couldn't stop the seething cold stare he had fixed on Kili. "No. I could tell she was trying to come on to me, and I didn't like it."

"Seriously? I've heard she gives amazing blowjobs, you can't tell me if she wanted to suck you, you'd turn that down?" Kili shook his head at Fili in disbelief. 

"Then why don't you take Crystal and Amber and have yourself a threesome!"

"Maybe I will!" That was actually near the top of Kili's wish list.

"Don't ever try to set me up again! I'll decide for myself who I want."

"Who _do_ you want?" Kili's interest in his friend's non-existent sex life was really getting on Fili's last nerve. 

"None of your business!" Fili hissed. 

"Since when? Thought you were my best friend. I thought we shared everything." In all seriousness, Kili was a little hurt by the thought Fili would keep any secret from him. 

"Not everything. Somethings are best left a secret between us." 

~`~

It was just after midnight, Fili was laying on his bed watching some random movie he found on Netflix when he got a text from Kili. 

"Oh my fff..." Quietly sneaking passed his sleeping mother's room, out the front door, Fili threw on his winter jacket searching the pockets for a cigarette. It was a recent bad habit he picked up finding it was something of a diversion that helped relax him at night even though he'd been warned by doctors it was most definitely something he shouldn't do after a brain injury. Of course being a stubborn teenager, he was going to do whatever he pleased. 

The blond jumped on his bike and rode out to find Kili somewhere in the city park. Text after text, Fili finally figured out where to find him. He was curled up on a bench inside the gazebo in the center of the park, shaking from the cold. 

"Are you alright, Kili?" Even though Kili was wearing a jacket, it was obvious he was freezing from the cold night air lying there shivering. The second Fili sat on the bench next to him, Kili sat up and snuggled into Fili chest trying to find warmth. "What happened, Kee?"

The blond opened his jacket letting Kili wrap his arms around him. Feeling warmth of Kili's breath against his chest made his heart pound. "Look at me." Fili lifted the brunet's face to his. 

"I drank way too much, Fee. I couldn't find my way home. I was with Amber at some guy's house, and we were drinking and I knew I had to go, but...I got lost and ended up here. Can you take me home, Fili? I told Mom I was spending the night at your house anyway."

Kili looked so scared. Fili wrapped him in his arms again, and kissed him on the head. "Do you think you can walk to my house from here?" With a nod, the boys were on their way to Fili's house. 

"I told you them girls were trouble, didn't I?" Kili certainly didn't need nor want a lecture from his friend.

By the time they got to Fili's room, Kili had sobered up quite a bit. Diving under the warm blankets, Kili took over Fili's bed. "I'm still so cold...can you hold me?"

"Sure." Taking off all his clothes with the exception of his briefs, the blond got into bed, and held his friend's chilled body against his to warm him. 

"Fee...I know you've told me no before, but do you know what would really warm me up?" When their eyes met, Fili swallowed thickly knowing exactly what Kili wanted, and this time he was not about to turn him down.

As Fili slipped his hand into Kili's briefs, the brunet touched Fili's lips with his finger tips. "I tried to talk Amber into giving he a blowjob, but she wouldn't. Said she was too drunk or I was too drunk, I dunno." Fili didn't want to seem to eager, but he sucked the tip of Kili's finger into his mouth as the brunet gasped both out of shock and pleasure.

"Fee?..." Without having to ask, Fili slid under the blanket and shimmied Kili's briefs off while taking his half hard cock into his mouth, he began licking and sucking like it was the most natural thing to do leaving Kili gasping for air. Fili complied so readily, the brunet wasn't sure if maybe he'd done this before. "Oh gods, Fee! Fuck that feels so good!" 

Panting and rolling his hips feeling his cock hitting the back of Fili's throat was pure ecstasy. Tangling his fingers into Fili's curl watching his friend's head bobbing up and down on him was too much. Fili sucked off Kili's cock with a pop long enough for a good breath before he went down on him again as his tongue resuming working his member licking and swirling around the head, and gods he didn't want to stop. Tasting Kili's precum and smelling his own distinct scent as he buried his face in his friend's fur was driving Fili's desire to keep sucking until he got what he wanted from him. 

"Ohhh...oh fuck! Fili, Fili...I'm..." Holding his breath, Kili tensed then jerked as Fili relentlessly continued to suck his cock through his orgasm until he'd swallowed as much of Kili's cum as he could considering it was the first time he'd ever done that. 

As the blond pulled himself up to look at his friend, Kili just stared into his eyes still so darkened. "I can't believe you just did that."

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Fili agreed. "Me either...did you like it?"

"What'd you think?" Kili wanted to laughed, but he was still in shock Fili not only just gave him his first blowjob, but performed it like a pro. The brunet ran his hand down Fili's sweaty chest to touch his cock, and found his friend didn't need his help. "You really liked doing that, didn't you?"

Afraid if maybe he was a little too into pleasing his friend, Kili would be upset with him. "I, uh...was watching that porn website you showed me before you texted me to come find you, and that's what I was thinking about when I was...you know..."

That made more sense, Kili could believe that. "Yeah, good shit on that website, huh..." Watching Fili leave the room to get a washcloth, the brunet began to wonder. Maybe he shouldn't let Fili do that again, it was too personal.

After they cleaned up, lying there in the dark, Fili asked casually, "So...how was the movie?"

With a snicker, Kili laughed. "We never made it to the movie...would you like to go with me tomorrow afternoon?"

Fili smiled wishing he could kiss Kili, hold him, and let him fall asleep in his arms . "There's nothing I wouldn't do to spend time with you, Kee."


	3. Chapter 3

When Kili finally woke up in Fili’s bed the next morning peeling his sticky lips apart he could’ve swore the poop-fairy visited his mouth, and either the room was spinning or his head was spinning around like the exorcist chick, and he was pretty sure he was about to spew something foul like she did.

Moaning in queasy agony, Kili saw the look on Fili’s face and knew he wasn’t getting any sympathy from him, but he tried anyway.

“Feee, I feel so sick! The room's spinning and my head is pounding!” The hungover brunet whined, then hugging his pillow he mumbled. “I think I’m gonna puke.”

Fili dashed across the room for his trash can. “If you’re gonna get sick, get the fuck outta my bed! Run to the bathroom!”

“No, I’ll be al…” Nope. Kili wasn’t going to be alright. Bolting up to snatch the trash can from Fili, he emptied whatever alcohol was left in his stomach followed by some dry heaves. 

Okay, so Fili felt a little bad for him. Holding his hair back and rubbing his back was the best he could do for his friend at this point.

“Your mom is gonna kill you when you get home, you know that, right? Ya know, I could be a real dick right now and say this is what you get for hanging out with Amber instead of me.”

Still spitting into the can, Kili sputtered, “Fuck you.”

"I believe, _thank you_ for taking care of me would be a better response." When he was sure Kili was done, Fili took the trash can to empty in the garage can outside, and returned with disinfectant spray, a cold washcloth, a water bottle and some toast. Handing over everything to his pale friend lying curled around his pillow, Kili was already feeling a little bit better, and a lot more gratitude watching Fili spraying down his room.

"I'm sorry. Thanks Fee. I am sorry for everything. You're a great friend." Wiping the sweaty hair from his face, Kili closed his bloodshot eyes getting comfortable with the pillow again. 

"And don't you forget it." Realizing his room was reeking of alcohol, Fili continued to spray his room hoping his mother wouldn't walk in and accuse him of anything, but looking at the two of them, it would've been more than obvious which one had been drinking. "Go back to sleep. Hopefully you'll be well enough to go home in a few hours."

*

Watching over Kili while he slept, Fili wondered if he would remember last night. Even though in the heat of the moment Kili wanted Fili to go down on him because Amber didn't fulfill his fantasy, Kili seemed rather uneasy about it after the fact leaving Fili with some regret and worry. He had no idea how Kili would feel about it if he would remember when he sobered up. 

Memories of a fight he had defending Kili in intermediate school continued to haunt him from the moment he realized more recently that he was falling in love with his best friend. The school bully had overheard Kili tell Fili he loved him. It was something he'd said to him a thousand times growing up together as close as brothers, Kili always innocently told Fili he loved him especially when he was nervous or fearful of something. 

_Azog found Kili alone as they were leaving school. Being the smartass jerk that he was, Azog shoved Kili calling him names, taunting him, telling everyone he was gay. At the time, Kili wasn't even sure he completely understood what that meant, but he took offense to it because knew he didn't love his best friend _that_ way and everyone witnessing what was going on was laughing at him, and the fight ensued. _

_Of course the moment Fili saw his best friend having a little trouble fighting back, he joined in. After receiving a black eye, and dealing out quite a few good punches of his own, Fili ended the fight rather quickly threatening the bully to stay away from Kili. Azog pulled his sorry ass off the ground, and made a few kissy noises at Fili._

_"I should've known you'd come save your girlfriend, you fucking fag!" Spitting blood from his split lip at Fili, the bully laughed and walked away pushing his way through the small crowd that had gathered to watch to fight._

_Embarrassed, Kili ran all the way home to hide in the treehouse in his backyard that he and Fili helped Thorin build for them. Climbing up into the wooden structure, Fili knew he'd find him there._

_"Are you alright, Kee? He didn't hurt you, did he?"_

_Sniffing and wiping away tears, Kili curled away from Fili in the corner of the treehouse. "No, I'm okay, but...he told everybody I'm gay, and they were all laughing at me! Everybody thinks you're my boyfriend! How are we going to fix it!"_

_Fili had no idea how they were going to fix it, but he also didn't care what other people thought. "So what? Being gay isn't a bad thing! Who cares what they think?"_

_"I do!" Kili protested. He didn't like being made fun of. "I'm not gay! That's so gross! I'd NEVER like YOU like that, what was he thinking! I like girls! I really like Tauriel! She'll probably never even look at me now!"_

_Trying to calm his friend, the blond sat next to him, and put an arm around his shoulders. "I know you're not gay, Kee. And you know I'm not either, I like Éowyn. Azog was just being an asshole, so why do you care so much about what he says?"_

_"The whole school's going to make fun of us, Fili!"_

_"I don't, but what if I did like you that way. Would it be that big of a deal to you?"_

_"Actually yes! Don't say that! Don't even joke about that! "_

_Fili knew it probably wasn't the best time to bring it up, but he had to. "Weren't you the one rubbing yourself against me the last time you slept over at my house not that long ago?"_

_"That was different. I wasn't being _gay,_ I was just being curious!"_

_"I know."_

_"I could never like guys like that, especially _not you!_ You know I was just messing around, right? You're my best friend, you're like my brother. Seriously that would be too weird if you did like me that way, it would ruin everything between us. I wouldn't feel right hanging around with you anymore. I don't think I could be friends with you, Fee. Don't ever joke about that."_

Fili laid on his side studying every curve of Kili's beautiful face as he slept so soundly. _'I didn't love you that way then, but I do now, Kili.'_ It hurt so much now remembering what Kili had said to him so long ago, and even though they were still young, they were very young then. _'Maybe he'd be more open to the idea now that he's older.'_ Hanging on to what little hope he had of that thought, he was still afraid to bring it up.

When Kili was awake and ready to go, Fili walked him home. He lived a couple miles away in another neighborhood giving Fili plenty of time to ask the burning questions that had flooded his mind all morning while watching his friend sleep.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"I met Amber at the movie theater, and she suggested we go to some guy's house. Think he was her brother's friend, something like that, but we started drinking. Then I vaguely remember you finding me in the park. Next thing I remember I was puking in the trash can. That's about it."

This was good, Fili thought. Kili didn't remember, but as they walked along, more memories from the night before were awaken. "Did I ask you if you wanted to go to the movie this afternoon?"

"Yes. I don't think that's going to happen though. We can go tomorrow."

"Yeah. Good idea. Unless Mom figures out what's wrong with me. If she does, I won't be going anywhere for awhile." 

Fili didn't really want details, but he was curious, and Kili apparently didn't remember anything about the blowjob. "So was it worth it? Did you get what you wanted from Amber?" 

"No." The disappointed teen grumbled. "She wouldn't even let me kiss her much less touch her." Fili hid a grin of satisfaction. "Fee...I'm almost sixteen and I've never had a real kiss with someone. I kissed a couple girls a few years ago, but not a _real_ kiss. I'm so frustrated! Almost everybody I know has except for me!"

Fili cleared his throat just before he lit a cigarette. "I haven't either." 

"I thought you and..." 

Exhaling a stream of smoke, Fili quickly cut him off. "I lied. She never let me touch her, and it wasn't a real kiss either. I was more nervous than anything, so it was a very quick kiss without feeling, and nothing more." 

"You still like Éowyn, don't you?" Kili smirked waiting for his friend to confess. 

"No. I don't think she even knows I exist. I gave up on her awhile ago. Besides, Faramir told me the other day how much he really likes her now." 

"Oh? Hmm." They walked a little further before Kili stopped. "Ya know, we really need to get laid."

"Kili! You just said you haven't had your first real kiss, and you're talking about getting laid? Seriously though...we're only fifteen, what's the big deal?" 

Kili became silent and began to walk again. "I got into a fight while you were in the hospital. I didn't want to tell you about it."

"About what? Who was it?" 

"Azog. That prick still can't leave me alone after all these years. I'm sick of people still thinking I'm gay, and he's still telling people that! It's taken us all these years to try and convince everyone we're not, and he starts this shit again in high school! I figured maybe we could find some slutty bitch to sleep with, you know someone that will tell everybody, and the rumors about us would finally end." 

Shocked at Kili's audacity, Fili whipped he head around. "That's the _stupidest_ thing you've ever said, Kili! I don't need to _prove_ anything to anybody! I know you'll think I'm lame, but I want my first time to be with someone I'm actually in love with. What if I did like you?" 

Kili stopped dead in his tracks and glared at him. "Don't EVER say that again! I told you before, we couldn't be friends anymore if you ever liked me that way." The brunet gave Fili a wary look and took off walking again. 

Fili threw his spent cigarette into the street, and called after Kili watching him heading toward his house. "Stop worrying about what other people think or expect of you, Kee! And stop thinking with your dick!" 

Grumbling to himself as he walked back home alone, Fili couldn't believe Kili was still so worried about people thought he would go to such lengths to prove otherwise. It was obvious to him now Kili was most definitely not gay, and he believed and feared he would lose his best friend if he told him how he felt about him. 

~`~

Kili quietly entered his house and threw his jacket on the coat hook trying his best to avoid any contact with his mother or uncle. Best they not see him at all for at least another hour, but first he really needed a shower. After a long hot shower, feeling human again, the teen went to his room to relax on his bed with his laptop.

As he went about the daunting task of deleting unwanted email items, Thorin knocked on his door to visit. "Hey. Mind if I come in for to visit for a minute?"

Kili shook his head and slammed the laptop shut the second he saw a few emails he certainly did not want Thorin to see. "No, what's up?"

Thorin sat on the bed, and started to say something but held his breath for a moment instead before letting it out. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"What?" Kili was even more curious about why Thorin wanted to 'visit'. 

"I know we had 'the talk' when you were much younger, but now that you're older...your mother wanted me to talk to you again." Thorin was just as uncomfortable with this discussion as Kili was.

 _'Fuck, no...'_ Kili just wanted to crawl under the bed and die this very second. "There's nothing to talk about. And I mean _nothing._ Like, literally nothing."

"So you're not...actively..."

"Oh gods, Thorin, no! Stop! There's nothing to talk about....honest, I mean it!" The teen shoved his laptop aside and slid under a pillow to hide his embarrassment. 

"Good. I guess we're done here, and your mother can leave me alone now." Hearing some rustling after Thorin stood from the bed, Kili peeked from under the pillow. "These are for you to stay safe, and to use wisely. Remember to treat girls with respect. Don't be like your loser deadbeat father. Just keep them out of your mother's sight, okay? She knows I was going to give them to you, but she'd rather not acknowledge the fact you could possibly need to use them. You're still her baby, Kee."

Seeing the little foil packets made the teen cringe, and felt his uncle's pain though he was grateful. "Thanks." Crawling out from under his pillow, Kili sat up and returned a little grin to match Thorin's. "I know I probably haven't said it enough, but I appreciate you taking the place of my dad. It's hard enough talking to you about this stuff, I couldn't imagine having to talk to Mom about it." Suddenly, he thought of his fatherless best friend. "Like Fili had to."

Thorin felt bad not ever thinking of Fili. "Yeah. Give a few of those to him too. And Kee, if either of you need to talk, you know where to find me. Let Fili know he can talk to me anytime if he needs to, okay?"

So much Kili wanted to ask, but chose to keep those questions to himself for now. "Thanks, Thorin." With a relieved smile, his uncle gave a nod and left the room shutting the door behind him.

Kili eyed the handful of condom packets lying on his bed before scooping them up to throw them in the drawer of his nightstand. "Don't think I'll be needing these anytime soon." 

*

Fili received a text that returned a smile to his face. _'I'm feeling a lot better now. Still want to go to that movie with me, Fee?'_


	4. Chapter 4

Turning sixteen was an exciting time for Fili and Kili, both receiving their drivers license on the same day. Fili waited for Kili to turn sixteen so they could get them together. Kili got a job at the local arts center knowing having a job was the only way Thorin would help him get his first car, and when Fili followed suit getting a job working for his neighbor's construction business, Thorin helped Faralyn get a car for Fili too. 

The day before they were to go back to school, the boys were planning on spending the day at the lake hanging out at the beach. When Kili stopped by to pick up Fili, Faralyn called him into the kitchen. She was packing a cooler and some food for them to take to the lake.

“Hi Kili! Fili’s upstairs still getting ready to go. I just finished packing everything for you boys!” Handing over the bag, Fili’s cheerful mother sat it on top of the medium sized cooler Kili had just picked up. “Oh, and could you take this garbage outside for me before you go, please?”

Kili smiled. “Sure! Thank you for everything! I’ll take this stuff out to the car, and come back to get it.” Doing just that, as he returned to pick up the plastic bag, Faralyn stopped him for a moment. 

There were tears in her beautiful blue eyes though she held a sincere smile as she lightly touched his cheek. “Kili, I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but I just wanted to remind you how much I love you, and thank you for always being such a good friend to Fili.”

“Aunt Fara, are you alright?” Not sure what to think noticing how rundown and tired Fili's usually perky mother looked, Kili became concerned.

She nodded and stifled a sob as a tear fell from her eye. “Promise me you’ll always be as close to Fili as you have been your whole lives as me and your mother have been.”

The teen's brow furrowed in confusion, but nodded. “Of course. Fili’s my best friend and he always will be. I love him like a brother, and I’d do anything for him…Fara, is something wrong?”

As they heard Fili coming down the stairs, Faralyn cleared her eyes and smiled to hide her emotions from her son as she chirped. “Well! You boys go on and have fun!”

“Thanks, Mom! We will! Love you!” Fili grabbed Kili by the arm to drag him along with him. “Come on, Kee, let’s go!” 

Shouting after the boys as they hopped into the car, she waved as they waved back. “Be safe, and don’t be out too late!”

After they had gone, Faralyn made a phone call to her best friend. “Dis, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I’m so tired all the time, and getting weaker every day. I think I’m going to have to quit work, and of course if I do, I’m going to have to tell Fili why…”

*

Toward the end of the day, Fili and Kili went to one of their favorite spots to sit next to one another, and look over the lake as the sun had lowered on the horizon. 

“This is going to be a great year, don’t you think, Kee? I mean, we’ve finally got some freedom. We have jobs, making our own money, and cars to go wherever we want.”

“Yeah, we’re still kids, but with a lot more freedom.” Kili wasn’t his perky self, but Fili thought maybe he was just tired and worried about tomorrow. He knew how much Kili hated the first day of school. 

“Is something wrong, Kee?”

Kili didn't want to upset his friend, but he was concerned about Fili's mother the more he thought about his encounter with her that morning. “Is your mom alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

Maybe it was best not to bring it up right now. Kili quickly changed the subject to lighten his mood again. “No reason, just asking. So have you decided what you want to do after we graduate in a couple years?”

“I talked to mom about it the other day. I want to be a police officer like my dad. Mom, your mom and Thorin have all told me so many stories about Dad. He was a great guy, and he loved his job. I want to be just like him.”

Kili smiled. “That’s great, Fee!”

“What about you? Are you planning on going to college for art? You're so talented, I assumed you'd do something with art.”

“I’m not sure yet. You know how much I love music. I've been thinking about learning how to play guitar, and working at the community arts center I found I’m really interested in the plays they do there. I’ve thought about trying out for one of them.”

“That’s cool! Why don’t you join the drama club at school this year?”

Shaking his head adamantly, the brunet almost stuttered. “N-no…I-I couldn’t…do that at school. People would make fun of me. I think I’m going to try out for football or lacrosse. It would be great to learn how to play guitar, and start a band, now that would be very cool.”

Fili frowned a little. There it was again. His friend wasn’t going to do something he was really into and would be good at because of what other people thought. 

“Kili, I think you’d be a great actor. Try it at the arts center, and if you really like it I think you should join the drama club at school. Seriously, who gives a fuck what other people think? You can still learn how to play guitar, but if you want to act, do it! And since when have you ever been interested in football or lacrosse? Don't try to be someone you're not to please other people. Do what makes you happy!”

“You really think I’d be good at it?” Kili smiled feeling a little more confident having Fili's support. 

With his dimples showing, Fili grinned. "Absolutely! We already know how dramatic you can be! And if _anybody_ teases you about it, I'll kick their ass, so what'd you think?"

Putting an arm over his friends shoulder, Kili pulled Fili into a side hug sitting there on the ground. "I think you're the best friend in the whole world! You're right. This _is_ going to be our best year yet!"

~`~

A few weeks into the new school year, Kili talked Fili into going to the first school dance they ever attended. Reluctantly, Fili went to the event after Kili twisted his arm, literally, but within an hour found himself all alone leaning against the gymnasium wall drinking some kind of awful tasting punch, listening to the worst dance music that he detested in the first place, after some curly haired girl whisked Kili away to dance.

Things took a turn when the next song came on to slow things down. The DJ called couples to the dance floor as he began to play the slow song. Fili watched his friend already on the dance floor with the girl that pulled him out there, wrap his arms around her shoulders as she put her arms around Kili’s waist.

Listening to every word of the sappy love song made Fili want to laugh at all the couples looking so awkward out there on the wood gymnasium floor basically swaying and stepping in circles. The smirk on Fili’s face disappeared quickly when a lovely little blond girl blindsided him.

“Hi Fili! Would you like to dance with me?” Fili looked around to see if she was talking to someone else, then realized he was the only one standing there.

“Hey Éowyn! Where’s Tauriel?”

“We’re not speaking right now. Would you like to dance with me?” The second request sounded more like an order than a question as the girl moved a little closer to him taking his hand into hers.

“Sure.” Nervously Fili tossed his paper cup in the trash can, and led Éowyn to the dance floor. Trying to play it cool as if he knew what he was doing, but only because he’d been watching everyone else all evening. He placed his hands firmly on the girl’s waist as she slipped her arms up his arms to rest her hands on his shoulders.

Trying to make the moment less awkward, Fili tried to make casual conversation with his longtime friend. “So why aren’t you speaking to Tauriel? What did she do this time?”

Éowyn let out a sigh, and looked away as she began to ramble on without discretion. “She’s making fun of me because I’m still a virgin. I’m only sixteen! Sure I've made out with guys, but whatever...I told her to mind her own business just because she’s already fucked half the football team she doesn’t impress me! I’ll know when I’m ready, ya know?” 

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right. I guess.” Fili was all shades of sorry he asked getting a little TMI. 

“This is so stupid we have to keep space between us when we dance!” The girl complained, but she was a rebel pulling Fili closer against her body. “Isn’t this better?”

Feeling the heat of their bodies pressed together, Fili couldn't control the stirring in his jeans. Quickly he glanced around for a teacher or parent chaperone to come by and part them. That’s when he locked eyes with Kili watching him with the goofiest grin of satisfaction seeing his friend finally having some fun, or so he thought.

Kili bit his lip anxiously waiting for the right moment to do what he had thought about so many times daydreaming in class while checking out the hot girls that sat in front of him. Finding Fili watching him gave him the courage to go through with what he had longed for. 

Suddenly everything became a bit surreal for Fili when he saw Kili being even more of a rebel than Éowyn as he slowly pulled his dance partner against himself leaning in to kiss the girl.

Fili could hear Éowyn's voice , but he never heard a word she said as he became mesmerized, witnessing his best friend’s first kiss right there on the dance floor on display for everyone to see. 

A rush of euphoria sending Kili's hormones into overdrive left him wanting more than a kiss from the girl he barely knew from his math class, if only he could even remember her name. Before any chaperone could spot them, he nuzzled into her curly auburn hair to whisper in her ear. “Come with me. Let’s go somewhere we can be alone.”

Right then his already growing erection twitched making Fili even harder alerting the girl he was holding of something he certainly didn’t want her getting the wrong message from. Éowyn indeed felt his arousal as she smirked raising a curious eyebrow. “I never knew you felt this way about me, Fili.”

 _’Oh fuck, no! Not now! What am I gonna do? What do I say? How am I going to explain myself to her? I can’t tell her I got excited watching my best friend kissing that girl, she’ll think I’m some kind of creepy perv!’_ Quickly Fili removed his hands from the little blond girl and backed away. “I-I’m sorry. I-I, ughh…” He exhaled so disgusted with himself that Éowyn understood it was all a misunderstanding.

“No, I’m sorry, Fee! I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I have an older brother, and I understand it… um, that…it happens sometimes and you can’t control it.” With a shoulder shrug and a somewhat lopsided smile, Éowyn tried to apologize for causing her friend any further embarrassment. 

Still blushing Fili sighed with some relief, but he was very concerned about why Kili was leaving the gym holding the girl’s hand pulling her along behind him, though he was certain he knew what his friend was up to. 

“Excuse me, I have to…” Just as Fili tried to go after Kili, Éowyn had latched onto his hand.

“Can I go with you?” Not wanting to be rude, he let the girl tag along as pretended he just needed to get some fresh air as they walked outside the school building. Curiously Éowyn watched Fili obviously searching for something or someone. “Are you looking for someone?”

Realizing how transparent he was at the moment, he tried to hide the truth, but she was right about what she already thought was going on.

“You don’t need to lie to me. I saw you watching Kili and that girl.” Fili whipped his head around to look at her, and much to his surprise, the little blond girl reached a hand up to snake around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. A _real_ kiss.

His first real kiss, so spontaneous he didn’t have time to feel nervous about it. And even though the kiss was lovely, so very sweet and innocent, it was lacking in emotion. Fili was disappointed believing forever his first kiss would feel like time had stopped and the world would melted away pulling him into pure bliss, but that feeling never materialized, and he knew why. He wasn't in love with this girl, and it meant nothing to him. 

Not wanting to disappoint Éowyn, the girl he’d known since kindergarten, he smiled with a kind fondness for her realizing after all the years he thought he was in love with her, he didn’t like her that way anymore. Over the past year, it was Kili who held his heart and who he wanted to kiss. If he ever had the chance to kiss Kili this way, he knew it would be magical. 

Now Éowyn was the one feeling embarrassed this time wanting to flee. “Oh my gosh…I’m…I’m so sorry, Fili! I feel so stupid!” She shook her head wishing she could disappear, but Fili took her hand to keep her from running away. With a soft heart he cared, and he wouldn’t let his friend go away feeling like this. 

“Éowyn, the kiss was really nice. You’re very sweet, but…” Their blue eyes met, and she knew she was being rejected but she held their gaze. “I know someone who really likes you…a lot! He's my friend, and this just doesn't feel right."

Éowyn, like everyone that knew Fili knew how honest he was. Though she had been embarrassed by her actions, she was grateful for Fili's honesty. With a sparkle in her eye she asked excitedly. "Who is it?"

Shortly after Éowyn left to find her new love interest, Ori stopped by to see Fili. "Hey Fili! Where's Kili?" With a slight grimace he gestured toward the doors. "Oh. So you still haven't told him how you feel about him." Ori shook his head and tsked. "There's got to be away to get you two together." 

Fili knew that determined scheming looking of Ori's, and he wasn't so sure he liked it. "Stay out of it, Ori. I'll know when the time is right to tell him... _if_ that time ever comes..." 

*

Kili was finally getting somewhere with the girl in the backseat of his car, when they heard the tapping on the window. "Fuck!" He huffed knowing they were so busted as he helped the girl out of the car. "What's wrong, Mr. Smith?"

Their math teacher of all people, stood there shaking his head with a very angry look of disapproval while the teens played dumb trying to look completely innocent. "You know exactly what's wrong! Kilian, you should be ashamed of yourself! And Miss Kenna I'm shocked! Both of you get back inside the school now, and if I catch you again, I'll have to call your parents!" 

Of course the second they re-entered the gymnasium, Kenna disappeared into the crowd to find her girlfriends without even giving Kili a second look. So many frustrating feelings, the brunet wheeled around when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

"Hey Ori! Hi Fee! I thought I saw you with Éowyn! Where'd she..." Fili pointed across the room at the newly formed couple laughing and dancing together. "Why didn't you..."

"I told you a long time ago Faramir really liked her. They just needed a little help getting together." 

"Like another couple I know of..." Ori sang as he sort of danced away. 

The blond smiled biting his lip wanting to pound Ori, as he wondered curiously why Kili was back in the gym so soon especially after seeing Kenna striding through the crowd leaving him behind like yesterday's news. "What happened with that girl? Why'd you come back so soon?" 

"Mr. Smith caught us in my car...I'm ready to go home, Fee." Those sad hazel eyes filled with yet another disappointing evening begged Fili to leave with him. "Are you still going to spend the night with me?" Fili gave his friend a nod as Ori caught his eye. 

After Kili had walked away, Fili walked over to Ori, and said. "I can't tell him, Ori. It's complicated." 

In all seriousness, Ori poked the blond in his chest. "You're only making it more complicated by not telling him! I know what you told me, but if he's your real friend he should be able to just get over it if he seriously doesn't want you to like him that way." 

"I just can't, and if Kili wants to use me for sexual relief like I'm sure he's going to do tonight, I'm okay with that. I'll take what I can get for now." As Fili walked away from Ori to leave with Kili, his own words rang in his head hearing how pathetic he sounded to himself now. 

*

Stripping off their clothes to get into bed, Fili's eyes raked over Kili's body with growing desire. He wanted Kili to come on to him, and to make sure he did he brushed against the brunet as he nonchalantly passed by him as if needing more space to get around him on his way around the end of the bed.

The second Kili felt Fili brush against his backside, he spun around and pinned Fili against the dresser directly behind them. "Fili...I...I need..." 

Watching Kili's chest rise and fall with want for him, Fili refused to touch him holding onto the dresser leaving the brunet in control. "Wouldn't this be a _gay_ thing to do?" He taunted his friend. 

"I-I just need some relief. I was getting so close to being able to fuck Kenna when Mr. Smith interrupted us, my cock's been half hard ever since we left the car." As much as Fili despised their math teacher, he absolutely loved the man now. The blond wasn't going to put up a fight letting his friend do whatever he wanted to him. 

Anytime they'd ever had a sexual encounter, there was a void of emotion as they never kissed or touched in a way lovers would do. It was performed very impassively leaving Fili feeling so empty, but he let this go on because it was the only way he could have this kind of contact with the one he loved without destroying their relationship by confessing his love for Kili. 

Kili held Fili's hips rubbing their growing clothed cocks together avoiding looking into those gorgeous crystal blue eyes of Fili's which he could feel fixed upon him. Grinding harder against his friend, the horny teen needed to feel skin-to-skin contact if he was going to satisfy himself. 

Feeling how moist the cloth of their briefs had become and how hard they both were, Kili pulled off his briefs. "I need more than this, Fee..." Fili kept his hands planted on the dresser suppressing the urge to grab Kili and pin him to the mattress as his friend pushed down his briefs to release his achingly hard erection. "Touch me, Kili...please..."

After Kili had Fili's briefs off, he began to stand. His face brushed against Fili's hard cock dripping with precum trailing a bit of the sweet liquid across his lips. Licking his lips made Fili want to lick his friend's lips too already knowing how wonderful Kili tasted. 

The blond couldn't help but taunt and tease his friend some more. "Was it good?" The brunet nodded, as Fili pressed on. "Do you want more?" With a shuddered Kili, shook his head. He never let Fili know he had never forgotten the night his friend went down on him. It was way too personal, and he could never do that with Fili anymore than he could fuck his friend.

Grasping their cocks together, Kili firmly held onto to them pumping his hand up and down sliding all the way from the root up over their swollen cockheads slicking their hard members with their precum gliding back down again repeating this motion over and over until they were about to see stars. Fili jerked and moaned once as Kili must have found a sensitive spot. "So good, Kee..." he breathed rocking his hips keeping the rhythm going. "Don't stop..."

Kili's fist tightened around their engorged shafts as he pumped harder and faster bringing them both to climax simultaneously before slowing the motion. They came in unison groaning with sated pleasure, breathing heavily as their hot seed splashed and spurted everywhere against their skin between them coating Kili's hand. Fili was thankful he was leaning against the dresser to hold him steady, but Kili's legs trembled. Still holding onto their spent manhood, he leaned forward to rest against his friend. 

Needing to stay this way for a moment to regain some composure, Kili realized he'd crossed the line he'd drawn for himself. He never wanted to touch Fili this way, but Fili welcomed the way his friend's body felt pressed against his, and the wisp of hot breath against his chest. Struggling with what to do next, it felt natural to wrap his arms around Kili and hold him there. For a moment in time, everything felt so right about it, but he knew it wouldn't last and meant nothing to Kili.

The brunet's eyes flew open the moment he felt Fili's arms slide around his back to hold him, but Kili didn't move. It felt nice. Fili's arms around him felt comforting as he listened to the rhythm of his breathing and the beating of his heart. Kili swallowed thickly as he licked his dry lips. This was wrong, and he shouldn't have let his friend hold him this way while they were naked. Slowly pushing away, Kili kept his eyes averted not wanting to look directly at Fili as his hand covered in their seed released them from one another. "I'll get some washcloths for us."

Fili sighed and crawled onto the bed to wait for his friend to return. After they cleaned up and got under the covers, Fili had to have the last word as they laid there in the dark. "It's alright to enjoy that you know...good night, Kee..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad times ahead for Fili

Darkness indicated it was still too early to get up, but Fili checked his phone for the time. It was Saturday and he would normally sleep in a little, but today he had offered to join his neighbor, Nori aka his employer, to go to work early on a job with him this morning. Now that Fili was back in school, Nori only had him work with him mostly on Saturdays, and rarely on Sundays. 

The teen dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen at grab a quick breakfast, then knowing his mother wasn’t up yet, he quietly snuck out the backdoor for a smoke to kill some time before Nori would stop by to pick him up.

The morning air was cool, but refreshing. It was so quiet and peaceful just as the sun crept over the horizon. Fili loved mornings like this when he could relax and be alone with his thoughts without interruption or distractions. 

Taking a hit off his cigarette he reflected on how great everything every thing seemed to going for him. He just started an AP calculus class, doing great in all his classes, he had a job he looked forward to going to, making his own money, a car, good friends, and of course his very best friend he was crazy in love with, Kili. The only way life could get any better right now was if Kili would suddenly fall in love with him too, though he couldn't see that happening anytime soon.

What the teen didn’t know was the moment he would step back into his house, his life was going to take a very unexpected turn for the worst. Fili quietly closed the backdoor and literally gasped, startled seeing his mother standing there with a very irate expression, knowing he had been busted for smoking.

“Mom, I…” Fili barely got a word out to explain himself when Faralyn reached out and slapped her son across the face. In a fit of rage, she screamed at him as he cringed holding his cheek shocked by his mother's actions so completely out of character. 

“How dare you even think about smoking! Look at me! Is this what you want to happen to you?!” The frail blonde woman shook as she broke down sobbing with regret and sorrow as she wrapped her arms around Fili holding him tight as she kissed his head. 

“Mom! I’m sorry!” Pleading forgiveness, the teen felt a lump in his throat forming because he felt he knew why she was so angry with him, and he wouldn't take it personally.

“I’m sorry, Fili...” Fill with remorse for her actions, she cried rocking her son in her arms petting his soft curls as her tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry…I love you so much, I don’t ever want you to have to go through what I have, Fee.”

Tears formed in Fili’s eyes fearing what he had been in denial about for many months watching his mother’s health deteriorate. “It’s back, isn’t it?” He had no idea.

*

Nervously Kili walked to the center of the stage to stand on the small white X marked on the black floor. Standing straight and tall, looking out toward the auditorium with a light shining down on him from above, the director of the play asked him a few questions before he was allowed to begin his audition for the community arts play.

When he was done, the director stood up and applauded with much enthusiasm. “Oh my word! Oh my! That was the most delightful audition I’ve seen in years!” 

It didn’t hurt that the playwright/director was his friend, Ori’s oldest brother. However, Dori took his plays very seriously, and would never lie to an actor or sugarcoat how he felt about their performance when one of his plays were at the mercy of making sure he had great actors to put on the best production possible.

"I don't need to even think about it! You didn't get the part!" The silver haired director exclaimed. 

Kili's smile faded with confusion. "Wait, what? But you just said..."

"I'm not about to let your talent go to waste on such an insignificant minor role, no! I'm giving you the lead! _You_ will be my modern day Romeo!" Dori had made his way to the stage giving Kili hugs and more praise. "You're a natural, Kili! This play will be my best work ever!"

*

Kili was so excited, he couldn't wait to get home and tell Dis and Thorin, and he texted Fili knowing he would be at work.

_'Hey Fee! Come over to my house after you get off work. Something really exciting happened today I want to tell you about! ttyl'_

Hours passed long after Fili should have been home from work, and Kili hadn't received a text from him all day. At first Kili was being a smartass sending a text every five minutes, until it wasn't funny anymore when Fili never responded at all. Normally his friend would've been 'yelling' at him through text by now to stop it already, but he didn't even get that. Pondering many reasons why Fili wouldn't have texted him back kept his mind occupied long enough for Kili to give in and make a personal visit instead just to be sure Fili was alright.

"Hmm." Kili noted Fili's car was in the driveway and something felt off as he parked and went up to the front door to knock.

With a couple knocks, the door opened and immediately Kili could tell something was wrong. Very wrong. Fili's eyes were puffy and red as he tried to look away. "Fee?"

"Mom..." Was all Fili could rasp out as Kili lunged forward to hold onto his best friend and cry with him. 

The boys went to the park to sit and talk until dusk about Faralyn, her cancer, how bad it was, what they were going to do, and the unavoidable subject of what was going to happen to Fili after she would pass. 

"I couldn't believe how fast my life changed in a blink of an eye. I was feeling like I was on top of the world first thing this morning, how great my life is, or was, and then Mom told me...she's kept this hidden from me since we were in that car wreck back in January. She's been so very sick, and I knew she wasn't well, but I didn't want to believe in the possibility her cancer had come back. I didn't know how bad it was. She didn't want to worry me. 

After the teens returned from the park, Kili spent some time with his 'Aunt' Faralyn and Fili talking and laughing about old times together, and it was good for them all. Faralyn smiled with a gleam in her eye as Kili told them all about the play he was going to be in. 

"Will you come see me in the play Aunt Fara? I won't be so nervous knowing I have all my family and friends there for support."

With a sincere smile, Faralyn laid a hand over Kili's as she looked him in the eye and promised. "I wouldn't miss it, Kee! I promise I'll be there, if you promise to put your heart and soul into the performance and do your very best, okay?"

A sense of peacefulness washed over Fili watching how happy his mother looked right now, and how elated Kili was talking about doing something he was passionate about. Life was good again for a moment in time, and he would cherish every moment they shared like this until their last day together. 

~`~

With Faralyn not working any longer, Fili asked Nori for as much time as he could get working after school to make more money to help out with their bills. The sixteen year old worked like a machine getting up early every morning going to school, going straight to work afterwards, then coming home to make dinner and care for his mother followed by staying up late to get his mounting homework done. 

His daunting schedule left very little time for him to socialize with any of his friends other than during lunchtime at school, texting was his main source of communication with Kili for he too had a busy schedule going on as well, though not nearly as draining. 

Week after week of this repetitive routine was finally taking a toll on Fili. His grades were falling, and his AP class was becoming a nightmare, but the determined teen pressed on. Nori had begun refusing to give Fili the hours he wanted for two reason. One, as a sixteen year old he was only allowed to work a set number of hours though he was paying him under-the-table to earn more hours, and two, he could visibly see how physically spent the boy had become. 

After Kili told his mom about how hard Fili had been working, and how much weight he'd lost, Dis stepped in to help giving Fili some time to rest, catch up on his schoolwork, and allowed him time to be a kid again. Dis felt so bad not realizing sooner how much Fili needed her.

Setting the dishwasher, Dis went to check on Faralyn one more time before she left. Along the way she ran into Fili, who without a word gave his 'Aunt' Dis a hug. "It'll be alright Fili. Thorin and I will do whatever we can to help you, Sweetie."

~`~

Surrounded by his new thespian friends, Kili looked like he'd seen a ghost as he spun around after hearing a familiar voice in this unfamiliar setting. 

"Can I have your autograph?" Fili smiled playfully teasing his friend.

"Fili! What're you doing here?" Kili lit up at the sight of his much healthier looking friend. As he approached Fili, he saw two more people following in behind him. "What's going on?"

Bard and Nori also greeted Kili as Nori explained the reason for their visit. "We're here to help! Dori asked if we could come down and build some of the sets for his play, so here we are! Where is the old fuss bucket anyway?"

As if Kili needed to point out the silver haired director behind them laughing and calling out orders to everyone he passed by. Seeing his brother and two helpers, Dori flitted across the stage.

"Nori! So good to see you! Thank you for bringing your boys along to help us out! There's so much that still needs to be done! I think we only have one set built, and I'm not confident it was put together very well, if you wouldn't mind taking a look." 

Nori just nodded knowing Dori was going to ramble on and on, and he would follow behind taking the orders as he directed Fili on what to do while Bard hung back with Kili to await direction.

Fili was happy to help out even though they were not getting paid for this job. It was volunteer work he agreed to do for Nori knowing it was also indirectly helping Kili as well, and getting to spend time watching Kili in his new environment was worth his time. Time to free his mind of all the responsibilities weighing heavy upon him these days, and have some fun.

Kili studied the way Bard was keeping an eye on Fili as the blond followed Nori and Dori about. "So, are you working for Nori now too, or did you just come along as a volunteer?" Kili asked curiously.

"I just started working for Nori last week. I like it so far, and working with Fili doesn't make it seem much like work at all." Bard grinned watching the blond taking notes from Dori. "I haven't hung out with him much over the past year. I forgot how much fun we always had together."

Fili and Kili had a lot of mutual friends though some were closer to one or the other. Kili had always been closer to Bard since they lived near each other growing up, where Fili was closer to his neighbor, Ori. 

"Hey, Kee...is Fili seeing anyone?"

"Not that I know of. He's been too busy taking care of his mom, work and school and all to have time for a relationship anyway. I don't even get to see him that much these days." Kili gave him a quizzical look. "Why?"

Bard shrugged. "Just asking."

"Right." Kili continued to eye his friend.

"Um, I don't want this to come across the wrong way or anything, but...is Fili gay?" At first Kili snorted a quiet laugh, then saw the serious look in Bard's eye.

"Uh, what? Uh, no! Pfft, no! Why would think that?"

"I've just heard rumors about you two, and...I'm sorry."

"We are most definitely NOT gay! Fuck Azog and everybody else that keeps spreading those rumors about us!" Kili huffed.

"I knew you weren't because you're always telling me about the girls you like and trying to get in their panties, but I always kind of wondered about Fili. When we were younger I knew he liked Éowyn, but I've never seen him with any girls."

"I never see you with any girls either, so what? Trust me, there's a lot of girls that want him, but he's all about finding true love, or whatever..." Waving a hand for dramatics, Kili rolled his eyes. "He's not gay, just particular."

"Hmm..." Bard wasn't buying it. Kili may have believed in what he was saying, but maybe he was too close to Fili to see what he saw in him.

When Nori and his boys were done working for the day, they packed up their tools and started to head out. Walking toward the trio, Kili hesitated in mid-stride seeing how Bard put a hand on Fili's back as they were walking away. Continuing toward them, the brunet believed he was imagining the innocent gesture to be more than a friendly one. 

"Fili?" The blond turned and walked back to see what Kili wanted. 

"What's up?"

"I miss you." Kili said sincerely. "Thanks for helping out with the play. It was good to see you here."

Fili flashed his dimples at his friend. "I had fun helping and hanging out watching you. You did a great, I can't wait to see the show!" Kili grinned shyly. "I miss you too, Kee...Nori's waiting on me. I'll text you later, okay?"

Just as Fili turned to leave, he received a call from Dis that stopped his heart. _"Fili, you need to hurry and get home right away..."_

Kili drove Fili home as fast as he could knowing he must have broke every traffic law in the book to get his friend to his mother's side in time to hold her hand and say, "I love you, Mom...", and to hear her final words, "My sweet boy...I love you, Fili..."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies. So many lies, denial, and regrets, oh the tangled webs! Ori's the only one being honest. Fili's enlightened after meeting Kili's grandfather.

Dis already had prepared the bedroom across the hall from Kili’s room for Fili knowing the day would come he would be living with them permanently as part of their family. She didn’t want Fili to lose everything he had known, so she kept his bed and bedding preserving the smallest of comforts for him.

The first night of Faralyn’s passing, Fili fell into a deep sleep for a good twelve hours or more racked with exhaustion and emotional turmoil. By the sixth night in his new home, the distraught teen tossed and turned. Pulling his blanket up to his face, he took in a deep breath, and sighed. It smelled like home. 

Looking around the dark room, the realization his life would never be the same hit Fili hard. Though his surroundings were not unfamiliar, it was different being here knowing he would never go _home_ again. This house he would call home, and this bedroom was no longer the guest room, it would be his room until the day he moved out. 

The same feeling applied to the people as well. It wasn’t like he had gone to live with strangers as Dis had become his legal guardian. Dis had always been his second mother, and Thorin was the prominent male figure in his life, and of course Kili had been like his brother from day he was born. 

_‘His brother.’_ Fili thought. Kili was essentially his brother now, but wasn't sure if it would change the way he felt about him now that they were living together.

Fili climbed out of his bed to cross the hallway going into Kili’s room. 

Poking at the lump in the middle of the bed, Fili tried to wake him. “Kili? Kee?” 

The sleepy lump rolled over to find the dark figure standing next to his bed. “What’s wrong Fee?”

“I can’t sleep. Can I sleep with you?”

Scooting over Kili made room for Fili to join him as they both shifted around to get comfortable. It was too quiet, Fili thought. The ticking sound of his mother’s antique grandfather clock wasn’t there nor was the hum of his ceiling fan to lull him to sleep, but the unexpected happened that for the first time in over a week Fili had a reason to smile and feel content enough to drift off to sleep.

Kili didn’t need to think about it. His friend was still hurting, and from their earliest years he would do whatever he could to comfort Fili, to let him know he wasn’t alone in this world, and make him feel safe. It’s what brothers do for one another. Kili wrapped his arm over him, and snuggled against his back. “Is this better?”

“Much. Thanks Kili.”

~`~

The weeks passed by, and Fili adjusted the best he could to his new life living with the Oaks. He was part of the family now. The holidays were just a few weeks away, and he tried his best to occupy his mind staying busy with work and school. Even Kili's play was a welcomed distraction. 

One week before opening night of Dori’s modern rendition of Romeo and Juliet, he called for a full dress rehearsal. Some of his actors complained having to do more than one night of dress rehearsals, but Kili liked the idea. This was his first play, and felt more in character wearing his costume. 

“Well? How do I look?” He spun around in the kitchen awaiting his uncle and mother’s approval wearing a somewhat Victorian style outfit with a ruby red silk shirt beneath a sleek black leather vest and a black ascot, black leather pants and a top hat. His hair was still long flowing over his shoulders, and his dark eyes smoldered with a little eyeliner.

“You look like some kind of goth vampire…” Thorin’s snicker that began turning into laughter was abruptly ended when Dis smacked his arm. “Ow! Well, he does! Since when does Romeo where tops hats and black leather pants?”

Kili slumped a little looking to his mother for support which she promptly gave. “I think you’re very handsome, Kili! I read your play, and your costume is perfect for the part! Don’t mind Thorin, he doesn’t have a creative mind, dear.”

“Yes, I do! He asked, and I told him what I thought!” Thorin pouted trying to defended his opinion. 

“I gotta go, Mom.” Kili shook his head grinning about how uncool his uncle was. As he turned to leave, Fili was holding his water bottle leaning against the doorway of the kitchen observing the family dynamics. 

“What do you think, Fili? Do you like my costume, or do I look like a goth vampire like Thorin says?”

Biting his bottom lip, Fili tried to restrain his thoughts, but couldn’t stop his words. “I think it’s sexy.”

Thorin and Dis looked at one another as Fili blushed realizing he actually said what he thought outloud. “I-I mean…for your part, it’s perfect. I’ve seen most of your play, and it’s perfect for the role.”

Kili just stared at Fili a little slack-jawed. “You think so?”

Taking a drink from his water bottle, Fili was afraid to say another word. 

“That’s my costume’s…sexy?”

“Well…the girls might think so…”

Before things became any more awkward, Dis stood up to grab her car keys and purse. “Well, we better get going! Dori will be in a tizzy if his lead actor is late for rehearsal!” Kili eyed the blond as he passed by him to follow his mother. "Fili, you're still going to pick him up, right? Thorin's going to the airport to pick up our father, and I still have a lot of cleaning to finish up before he gets here."

"Yes. I planned on going a little early to watch some of the rehearsal...if that's okay with you, Kee?" With a nod, Kili left with Dis.

*

Fili, Ori and Bard slipped in a side door of the community arts theater to watch the last half hour of the dress rehearsal. The boys were entertained by Tauriel trying to tell Dori what was wrong with his play. Ori knew his brother too well knowing the girl would be lucky if she didn’t get tossed off the stage if she didn’t shut up when she did.

When the rehearsal was over, the four boys left for the parking lot together only to be approached by Azog and a couple of his loser friends. It was obvious the only reason they were here at the arts center was to cause trouble.

“Look at the fairy in his pretty getup!” The menacing brute taunted Kili.

“Leave him alone Azog!” Fili's instinct to defend Kili came without hesitation, ready to fight the bully again if he had to. 

“Aww, isn’t it cute how Durin is always defending his girlfriend! You’re both even more disgusting now that you’re brothers.”

“We’re not brothers!” Fili cringed as Kili shouted at the bully.

“Tell me Oaks.” Azog stepped in front of Kili towering over him. “Does getting screwed by Fili feel any different now he's your brother?”

With fists clenching and unclenching, Kili wanted to punch the loudmouth jerk more than ever. “Fili’s NOT my brother! We’re NOT fucking, and we’re NOT gay!” 

Azog turned toward Fili putting him on the spot next. “I’ve never heard Durin deny it. You are gay, aren’t you?”

Fili knew everyone was focused on him waiting for an answer as he locked eyes with Kili. Seeing the fire in Kili's hazel eyes wanting to rip Azog apart, begging him to say the right thing to put the bully in his place. 

The answer relieved Kili, though Fili could have choked on his lie to protect his friend. “No. I'm not gay. I like Crystal.”

Bard slunk back a little sensing he was next. “What about you Lakes?”

“No. I’m not gay, but I have nothing to prove to you. What’s it to you anyway?”

Ori stepped between Azog and Bard to make a bold statement. “I AM gay, and I don’t give a shit who knows it! So what? And you know what? I’m getting fucked by the quarterback of our football team! Yeah! That’s right! That big badass is my boyfriend, and I’m not afraid to tell anyone!”

In hindsight, Ori almost wished he could take back his confession because no one knew his boyfriend, Dwalin was gay, but the cat was out of the bag now. Shocked by the new info and Ori’s boldness standing up to Azog, Fili’s jaw dropped as he whispered, “Dwalin’s gay?”

Azog and his cronies laughed at Ori's audacity to stand up to them in front of all his friends and anyone else passing by. Then turning serious again, the big brute pointed a finger at Fili and tried to strike a deal with knowledge he wished he'd known before he lied about the girl he chose to say he liked.

"If you like Crystal so much, prove it, and I swear on my mother's grave I'll leave you and Kili alone." Fili just stared at Azog like he'd lost his mind until he heard the rest of Azog's reasoning. "She's my cousin. If you go out with her, she'll tell me what a man you really are. Do we have a deal?"

If it could be seen, steam would have been radiating from the furious blond. "This is the most immature idiotic thing anyone could've come up with Azog, but I wouldn't have expected anything less from you." Seeing that look on Kili's face pleading with him made Fili agree to the most asinine deal of his life to save themselves further torment from the bully.

"Deal...but the deal's off if she refuses to go out with me, and you _will_ leave us alone." It was the only catch he could think of quickly enough hoping to save himself the misery of having to go out with the girl. 

A deep grumble came from the brute as he gave a satisfied nod. "Deal." 

The group of boys parted ways, and the car ride to take everyone home was filled with tension. Bard broke the silence questioning Ori about his apparent relationship with the captain of the football team. "Dwalin, Ori? Really?" 

With a grin, Ori shrugged. "He said he fell in love with my charm! And who wouldn't? I know I'm adorable!" A sigh of happiness followed. "I'm so in love with him too! Just thinking about Dwalin in those tight football pants does crazy things to me!" 

Bard and Fili laughed out loud loving their friend's carefree attitude as Kili's head thunked against the window feeling this ride home would never end. After dropping off Bard and Ori at their respective homes, the rest of the ride home was silent leaving Fili to mull over the deal he'd struck with Azog. Now he just hoped Crystal wouldn't accept his offer to go out with him so Azog would be done with this childish bullshit harassing the two of them once and for all.

*

Arriving home, Fili was about to learn why Kili had always been so adamant about not wanting to be teased about being gay. His grouchy elderly homophobic grandfather took one look at Kili in his costume, and almost popped a vein shouting at all of them.

"What in the name of Mahal are your wearing boy?! You let my grandson go out of this house looking like that, Dis! You should be ashamed of yourself letting him leave this house looking like some queer!" The old man shook with anger.

"Dad!" Dis shouted back before Thorin tried to put his father in his place. 

"Shut up, Dad! You haven't seen Kili in three years, and you wrongly attack him before you ever even said hello! What the fuck's the matter with you?!"

Dis tried to calm the situation as quickly as possible seeing the somewhat frightened look on Fili's face. "Dad, Kili's going to be in a play at the community arts center, and he just got home from their dress rehearsal. He doesn't dress like this all the time."

"I'm not gay, Granddad." Kili wasn't upset with his grandfather, he was furious. "I was going to say nice to see you again, but that would be a lie." Turning to grab Fili by the arm, he tugged at him to follow. "Come on, Fee."

Dis was so upset she ran to her room leaving Thorin to deal with their belligerent father. "This is _my_ house. You will not come here and treat Kili like this. He's only sixteen, there's no excuse for you to speak to him like that!"

The old man's eyes narrowed. "You better watch that little blond boy around Kili, or he'll turn out to be just like your brother!"

"There was nothing wrong with my brother!" Thorin hissed. "YOU are the reason Frerin ran away! I'd give anything to see my brother again, and I'd welcome him _and_ his boyfriend with open arms!" 

Leaning his head against the rungs of the stairway railing, Fili sat on the stairs listening to the men exchanging words in the kitchen while Kili took his shower. It was all very clear to him now. This uncle of Kili's must have been the Oak's family secret his friend refused to speak about. 

The backdoor slammed, and Fili looked up to see Thorin standing at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm sorry you had to witness that, Fili." The blond's blue eyes filled with tears as he descended the stairs into Thorin's comforting arms. "Kili's grandfather is just a cantankerous stubborn old man set in his ways, and no matter what Dis and I have ever said to him, he'll never change the way he thinks. Don't let anything he says get to you, alright?"

Fili nodded letting his tears flow, and Thorin wouldn't let go of him until he knew the boy wanted to. "I wanna go home, Thorin. I don't belong here."

Nothing could've broke the gentle man's heart to pieces faster than hearing Fili say those words knowing his father may have had something to do with it. "You are home, Fili. We love you, and we'll do whatever we can to make you happy and feel welcome here. Please don't listen to the ramblings of my father's ignorance."

That night after everyone had gone to bed, Fili laid in his bed tossing and turning again. He couldn't sleep thinking about having to ask Crystal to go out with him, and about everything that had been said that day. Quietly he crept into Kili's room, and got into bed with him like he'd done so many other nights he couldn't sleep. 

Kili woke up feeling the movement of the bed and covers. "Fili...I don't think you should sleep with me tonight."

"Why not?" 

"I don't want Granddad to find you in here with me."

"We're just sleeping, we're not doing anything."

"Fili, please..."

Though he didn't like it, Fili understood why Kili was concerned, so he reluctantly left Kili's bed. As he took a few steps back toward his room, the dark figure standing at the end of the hallway watching him spoke. "What were you doing in my grandson's room, boy?"

Fili lied instantly feeling lightheaded. "We were...watching a movie together, and-and it just ended, so I was just going back to my room."

Dis opened her bedroom door to head to the bathroom when she saw the two standing in the hallway. "What's going on?" Her father went back into his room without responding. "Fili?"

"I just want to go to sleep, and forget everything that's happened today." And _that_ was not a lie.


	7. Chapter 7

Fili avoided his new family altogether for the next three days for peace of mind other than seeing Kili at school. That Wednesday, on his way to lunch, Kili caught him to discuss weekend plans. Opening night of his play was going to be that Friday, with two shows on Saturday, and one on Sunday afternoon leaving very little time for anything else, but he was determined to find time.

“Hey Fee, I have an idea! After my play Saturday night, how about if you and I make a double-date with Crystal and Amber?”

Giving Kili a side look, Fili began walking toward the cafeteria. “Why would you want to go out with Amber again after what she did to you the last time?”

“That was a long time ago! The girls are friends, it could be fun! After I’m done with the play Saturday evening, we could, I don’t know, maybe take them out for dinner then ice skating at the park? You know the city’s got all the holiday lights up and it’s open late, could be fun!”

“Skating? In the park?”

“Why not? The girls might think its romantic, and we wouldn’t look like we’re just trying to get laid!”

Fili stopped walked so fast Kili almost ran into him as he rounded on him. “Look! Maybe you’re trying to get fucked, but I’m not!”

“You don’t really like her?” Fili shook his head at the how much of a dimwit his friend was.

“No, I don’t! And I’ve told you that before!”

“Then why did you tell Azog you liked her?”

Fili’s agitated sigh should have been enough of an explanation for Kili, but he have him a verbal one anyway for clarification. “I said that to shut him up! I didn’t know she was his cousin, and I certainly didn’t know he was going to challenge me to go out with her! I don’t like Crystal, she is not my type, and I’m only doing this for us so Azog will stop harassing us both once and for all!”

After school Fili ran into Crystal almost literally as the girl stepped in front of him just as he left his locker. 

“Hi Fili. Kili told me you had something to ask me?” Fili scanned the crowded hallway finding Kili standing with Bard watching him. 

The thought of trying to get out of asking her on a date and fleeing this conversation altogether came to mind immediately, but figured he should get this over with.

“Can you hold on a second?” Holding his phone in his hand, the blond turned on the recorder without the girl’s knowledge to record the moment in case she declined his offer to go out with him for proof. Taking a deep breath, Fili found the courage to ask the girl out, then prayed she would say no. 

“Um, if you’re not doing anything Saturday night, I was wondering if you would like to go to Kili’s play at the arts center with me? Then afterwards, maybe if Amber would be interested, the four of us could go out to dinner then skating in the park?”

Crystal’s eyes lit up as a smile to match her excitement grew. “Yes! That sounds like so much fun! I can’t wait!” 

Fili smiled seeing how excited the girl with the lavender streaked hair was about their date, but inside he was screaming. “Good! The play starts at 7:00, so I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”

~`~

Friday night was opening night of Kili's play. He was very excited, though very nervous all the same. This was the first time he ever performed on stage in front of an audience, other than silly elementary school performances. Making sure he had every last piece of his costume and accessories, Dis left with Kili for the arts center. Thorin and Fili would meet her there later on for the show. 

Fili was happy to know Kili forbid his grandfather to attend the play in which Thorin and Dis agreed was best knowing the old man would complain about everything, not understand the play, and just be downright loud and obnoxious in general. This was incredibly important to Kili, and he didn't want anything to ruin his special night.

Dori was running around shouting orders, surrounded by his performers completely in his elements, the silver haired director was on his game. Nori offered to work backstage to help with the sets, and Ori was there volunteering to help the actors with there costumes and wardrobe changes. 

"Kili!" Dori gushed. "I can't thank you enough for accepting the lead role for my play! You really are going to make this play a success, I just know it!" Hearing someone clear their throat, Dori turned to see his lead actress, Tauriel standing behind him with arms folded. "And of course! Tauriel, you're the best Juliet I've ever had!" Kili grinned and chuckled internally knowing Dori was only trying to appease the girl begging for attention. "Go out there and show everyone how amazingly talented you all are!"

When the moment came for Kili to enter the stage and begin his performance, the butterflies in his stomach felt more like bats banging around in there. With sweaty palms, and shaky limbs, the teen's throat began to tighten afraid to speak as his looked out toward the audience seeing every seat in the auditorium filled. Hearing Dori whisper his lines from the side of the stage prompting him to speak, Kili searched the audience for his family. 

When he found them, he noticed the empty seat next to his mother, and he heard a wisp of a gentle voice speak to him as the light shining directly on him dimmed for a second. _"I'm here."_ The teen turned quickly to see who spoke to him, but only saw Dori waving a hand begging him to speak his lines. He closed his eyes as he let a sense of calmness washed over him allowing him the confidence to deliver his lines, and from that moment on, Kili performed the rest of the play like a pro.

Dori drank in the success of his play as he and his performers received a standing ovation. The playwright/director gave the audience a little speech of thanks, then introduced his Romeo and Juliet giving each of them a chance to speak as well. "...and Romeo, played by Kilian Oaks, this was his very first performance ever, pretty amazing, eh?" 

The audience applauded as Dori handed the microphone to Kili to let him say a few words. "I'd like to thank Dori for giving me the opportunity to be a part of this awesome play he wrote. I've learned so much from him already. And of course I'd like to thank my family for their support, and...I want to dedicate my performance to someone very special...my mom's best friend, my best friend's mother, Faralyn who passed away not long ago. She was the one who gave me courage to come up here and do this, and I know she was here with me tonight as she promised."

Tears filled Dis's eyes as her bottom lip quivered taking Fili's hand in hers. Thorin put an arm around Fili as the blond leaned his head against him hearing his best friend speak of his mother.

~`~

Fili sat in the arts center auditorium again the following night, this time with Crystal and Amber. He enjoyed the performance even more this time having seen it all the way through for the first time the night before. Kili seemed so comfortable performing his role, he almost felt as if he was this character. 

After the show, Kili took a shower and changed clothes there at the theatre so they could get their evening started straight away. Amber teased she wouldn't have minded if he kept his costume on, how sexy she thought it was. Kili saw the look Fili gave him remembering what he'd said about the costume. "Hmm, maybe I should start dressing Goth, what'd you guys think?"

Fili shook his head while the girls both agreed they were all for that. "Yeah! You'd be the hottest guy in school!" 

Sitting at the restaurant waiting for their food, the girls carried on a conversation between themselves most of the time leaving Fili and Kili pretty much staring at the table or each other rolling their eyes at the things the females were discussing. Fili didn't really care because the less he had to speak to them the better with their silly immature giggling, and talking trash about other girls at school. 

After dinner, the teens went to the park to ice skate for a little bit, which didn't last long because the boys were on their rears more than their feet. They bought some hot coca and sat together on a bench laughing and chatting for awhile watching other people skating before they decided to leave. All things considered, Fili had a good time this evening, but leaving the park to go to Amber's brother's house where the teens could be alone to do whatever, he became very nervous. 

On the drive to their destination, Fili kept looking in his rearview mirror getting glimpses of Kili kissing Amber chastising himself for feeling so jealous, but grinned every time he heard Amber stop Kili from touching her inappropriately. 

Pulling into the driveway of the small house across town, Fili was still wary about the whole situation, but they all followed Amber to the front door. 

"Your brother and his friend don't care if you just show up here?" Fili asked to be sure before they entered the house.

"They're gone for a week. The place is all ours!" Amber said as she unlocked the door pulling Kili along to find the liquor cabinet he had become so familiar with the last time he was here.

Crystal and Fili stood awkwardly in the living room unsure of what to do next. It crossed Fili's mind that he should be the one in control of this situation. Taking the girl who had becoming increasingly uneasy by the hand, he led her to one of the bedrooms down a hallway, and closed the door.

Crystal took off her coat and sat on the bed, waiting for Fili to join her. He tossed his jacket aside, and sat on the bed next to girl who seemed as nervous as he was. They looked into each other's eyes before they closed leaning into their first kiss as Fili's hand slid behind her neck deepening their kiss. 

"Let's move back on the bed some more." He directed Crystal as she did what he asked as she pulled him down to her. Their kisses were becoming more heated as Fili's leg moved between her thighs, and his hand slid down to work his way under the hem of her sweater. 

Suddenly feeling Fili's growing erection trapped in his jeans pressed against her knowing where this was going, Crystal began to panic. "Fili! Stop! Please, I can't do this!"

Confused, but relieved Fili backed off a little. "What's the matter?"

Crystal shook her head apologizing. "I-I'm sorry, I-I can't..."

Fili laid a finger over her lips. "It's alright. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I know what everybody thinks of me, but...I'm only sixteen, and I'm not ready to...I'm a virgin..."

Again, Fili shushed her. "It's alright. So am I. Thanks for your honesty. You're cousin's a jerk."

"Yes. He is. Azog told me about...I promise I'll tell him we did it."

Fili kissed her gently once more. "You're sweet, and I'm sorry about all this, Crystal...I swear I never meant to hurt you. It was wrong of me to use you this way, and I'm very sorry."

"I know. It's alright. I really do like you though, and I wish you really liked me, Fili, but...I know you don't." 

"You don't have to lie to Azog for me." 

"I already have a reputation of sleeping around. That started a year ago, so no harm done if I lie to him about us. He'll believe me, and I'll see to it he leaves you and Kili alone from now on." 

"I hate this. This isn't who I am. You shouldn't have to lie for me, but I appreciate that you'd do this for me." Fili's sincerity cause the girl to smile. Crystal wrapped her arms around the gorgeous blond pulling him back down to her to hug him tightly getting one more friendly kiss from him. From the first time Crystal ever saw him at school, she had a crush on him. Now she couldn't believe she was actually lying in a bed with Fili Durin with an opportunity to have sex with him, and turned him down but she knew it was the right thing to do. 

Fili and Crystal felt more at ease with one another now as they relaxed and laid on the bed in the dark and talked as friends getting to know one another until Fili was ready to leave.

Going out to the living room, Fili could smell the alcohol and took one look at Kili and knew. "Kili!"

"I'm not drunk, don't _Kili_ me! Geez, you're acting like you _are_ my brother now. Gonna tell Mom on me?" He really wasn't drunk just a little tipsy, but Fili was still afraid they were going to get busted when they got home. By-passing any adults along the way, he was able to get his friend to his bedroom without anyone knowing they were together. As Kili shut the door behind them, he pushed Fili against it.

Knowing by the way Kili was acting he was going to get used again, Fili wanted it this time because he was needing some relief himself after being with Crystal. "What about your granddad?"

Shoving his jeans and briefs down before his own, Kili licked his lips bringing Fili's hand to his hard cock. "We'll be quiet, he'll never know." 

Fili hissed feeling Kili's hand wrap around his cock. "How can you keep doing this with me, and tell me you're not gay?"

"Because I'm not. Doing this with you is just for sexual relief. I don't feel anything for you doing this, it's just a sex act." The words even felt painfully sharp and hurtful to Kili as he said it out loud.

"Like paying a whore to fuck, you mean, though I don't get paid for it." With his hands plastered against the door restraining himself from touching Kili, Fili's eyes shut as his head fell back against the door letting Kili take control pulling their cocks together in one hand to get them off together like the last time they did this. 

"Don't say that...It's not like that, Fee." Continuing to pump his fist tighter and faster around their cocks, Kili got them both off simultaneously just like their last time they did this together. "You're my best friend, of course I care about you." This time Kili was careful not to lean against Fili moving away almost immediately after they came.

As they were cleaning up, Fili gave some more thought to what Kili said, and how he perceived what they had been doing together for well over a year. "I don't think we should do this anymore, Kili. We are like real brothers now, and we're getting older. This doesn't really feel like we're experimenting anymore, you know? If you want to have sex, then find someone to do it with that you're in love with, but don't use me anymore."

Kili watched the door close as Fili left his room, considering what he said. "I'm sorry, Fee." Unfortunately, Fili wasn't there to hear his friend's apology. 

*

Christmas was an especially hard time for Fili, but Dis made sure to regard him with extra care. They did a lot of their traditions including Fili making him feel a part of their family. When they went to the tree farm, Thorin let Fili cut down their Christmas tree, and of course they let him help decorate when they brought it home. Kili and Fili took Thorin shopping with them for Dis's gifts, and the boys helped Dis make her special cookies she gave to all their neighbors every year.

Fili had fun, and appreciated the extra attention to include him, but it was still an incredibly hard time for him, so he was glad to see the holidays over as he looked forward to the new year, and a fresh start. Kili's grandfather had gone home, and everything returned to normal. Everything except for his relationship with Kili. 

Believing telling Kili how he felt about their unique friendship would make thing better between them only seemed to divide them. Working with Bard, Fili was spending much more time with him, and living right down the street from him, they started hanging out together more outside of work as well since Kili kept himself busy with another play due to be performed in May. 

As the months passed by, Kili began to notice the void in his life. His best friend was moving on.


	8. Chapter 8

With one more year of high school before graduation, Fili was determined to make the most of his summer vacation. The strain on his relationship with Kili lessened over time, but Kili kept his jealousy of Fili and Bard’s friendship a secret.

Kili felt as if Fili had stolen his friend because Bard no longer spent any free time with him anymore like they used to before Fili became a part of their family. What Kili didn’t know and failed to see was there was a little more than a friendship blossoming between the two, and to be fair Fili didn't see it either. 

Just after Fili and Kili's seventeenth birthday, their friend Faramir's older brother Boromir held his annual summer party. It was the one party of the year all the guys looked forward to because he allowed Faramir and his friends to come over and drink as long as they spent the night and never told anyone, especially their parents about it. The party was for the guys only getting to swim, play darts, shoot pool, and play cards and assorted drinking games.

When Faramir suggested they play Truth or Dare, Ori became giddy with excitement. It had been a party favorite of the boys for many years, in which lots of great stories were born from some of those dares. Ori hugged his big man, then animately clapped his hands while Dwalin, seeing as this was his first party with the other boys, wondered why this game was such a big deal to his boyfriend. 

Dwalin put an arm around Ori to calm his enthusiasm a tad. "Why are you so excited about playing Truth or Dare?" 

Quietly between them Ori explained himself as briefly as possible. "I know Fili will pick 'dare'!" Having never backed down from a dare, Fili had always fancied himself the best Truth or Dare player ever. 

Ori had been plotting this moment all day. When it was his turn to choose someone to ask 'truth or dare', he responded immediately. “I choose you! Fili! Truth or dare?”

Being a little cocky, Fili smirked and replied, “Dare.”

Ori’s eyes shifted back forth between the other guys all sitting on the family room floor in somewhat of a circle, landing back on Fili as he scrunched up his face in a mischievous grin as he dealt out the dare he knew would either break Fili’s streak of never turning down a dare, or bring him and his heart’s desire together at last knowing how rocky even their friendship had become since the beginning of the year.

“Fili, I dare you to…” and the dramatic pause “…kiss Kili!” Gasps followed by laughter ran out amongst the teens as Fili’s jaw dropped open, but Kili smirked with the biggest grin.

“Come on big boy! Show me what you got!” Tipsy Kili teased. There was something he found rather amusing about the dare considering everything else they’d done together in the past.

When no one was looking Fili gave Ori the most evil side look he could muster as he mouthed the words, _“I hate you!”_

With a few lewd comments from the other guys, Fili twisted around to get on all fours to crawl across the floor over to his best friend sitting there cross-legged waiting for him continuing to grin so big his cheeks had to hurt thinking this was all a big joke. 

“Just a little peck, right?” Fili asked just to make sure. 

Faramir couldn’t help a little more teasing following by more laughter from the group of boys. “Slip him your tongue Kee!” 

“Fuck you guys!” Fili growled at his soon to be ex-friends followed by a look that could’ve killed them.

Ori mentally kicked himself for not being more specific about the kiss, so he tried to add to it. “Uh, a real kiss! Not just a little peck!”

Fili scrunched up his face to glare of Ori. “That’s not what you said, you just added that!”

“I meant to say that, I forgot!” Ori teased. “Go on! We’re waiting!”

Then he quietly ask Kili as he moved in closer. “Are you ready?”

Kili couldn’t take his eyes off his best friend's blue eyes awaiting the awkward kiss assuming it would be over in a flash, but with a nod his silly grin faded as his eyes closed when Fili moved in to press his lips against his. Kili’s eyes fluttered open when Fili didn’t pull away as quickly as he thought he would.

When the blond parted from the kiss, the sound of their friends’ shouts, cat calls and laughter was muted as the two best friends held each other’s gaze longer than any friends should in this situation without the slightest smile or grin staring at one another very seriously. 

_’What was that?’_ Kili wondered why he didn’t want Fili to stop their kiss, while Fili wanted to disappear realizing how embarrassing this was all of a sudden.

“I need a smoke.” Fili broke the awkwardness between him and Kili leaving out the back door to light up a cigarette. Leaning against the house as he smoked, listening to the dog next door barking at him, Fili made noise of discontent when Ori came outside to join him.

“I’m sorry, Fee.”

“That was so embarrassing Ori! Why’d you do that?”

“You didn’t have to do it, ya know!” Ori said sarcastically as a tiny grin began to creep along his lips, he snorted. “But I knew you've wanted to do that for years. And you certainly didn’t need to hold the kiss as long as you did.”

Fili rolled his eyes and exhaled watching the smoke roll away into the night sky just as the back screen door squeaked open. Ori took his cue to leave when Kili came outside to join them. 

“It’s getting kind of cold out here, guess I’ll head back inside.”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“That was kinda fucked up wasn’t it?” Kili snorted a laugh trying to lighten the mood knowing his friend was embarrassed about the whole kiss thing.

“Ori’s a dick.”

“Yeah...Did you, uh…I don’t know, did you… _feel_ anything? Ya know, when we…” 

“No! Why would I ever feel anything kissing you, you little prick! We're not gay, remember?” Defensively Fili laughed, and for a moment he thought he saw a twinge of sadness in the way Kili was looking at him. “Why? Did you feel something?”

“Pfft! Of course not! You’d be the last person I’d ever want to kiss!” Kili laughed too in spite of what he thought he might have felt. "Ori needs to pay for what he’s done, don’t ya think?” A wicked grin spread across Kili’s lips as his sexy eyebrow raised in question. 

Writing it off as a bit of fun, Fili's dimples began to show with a mischievous grin. “Hmm, I do believe you’re right about that! What’d you have in mind, Kee?”

The door screen door banged shut as Bard joined the two. "Hey, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"No, I was just going back inside." Kili gave Fili a little smile before going back into the house. "We'll get him back somehow, Fee." 

After Kili was gone, Fili put his cigarette out in the sand bucket by the back door, then walked out by the pool not wanting to go inside just yet as Bard followed. "What was that all about it there?"

Knowing Bard must have seen the awkwardness between him and Kili, Fili didn't want to lie. He was tired of lying to everyone. "Bard...we're good friends now, and I trust you. I need to be honest with you about something." 

The brunet was all ears feeling whatever Fili wanted to say must have been very important to him. "You can tell me anything. I swear I'll never repeat anything you tell me in confidence."

"Azog wasn't wrong about me." Glancing up at the taller boy standing next to him, Fili hoped his friend would be understanding. "Ori's the only person I've ever told...I am gay. Kili's not, but I've been in love with him for years, and he doesn't know it...I can't let him know it. I can't even let him know I'm gay, because I know it would destroy our friendship. It's hard to explain because he's friends with Ori and doesn't have a problem with him being gay. It's just me because we are so close, it freaks him out. His grandfather's brainwashed him into believing being gay a horrific thing, or something I don't know. It hurts so much to want someone so badly you know you'll never be able to have."

The boys stood there without speaking again for a few minutes. Fili was sure Bard would turn and walk away from him knowing his secret, but instead Bard responded in a way Fili never saw coming.

"Now can I tell you something?" Just as Fili started to turn to look at his friend, Bard slipped a hand under Fili's hair pulling him into a gentle first kiss. "I'm gay too. And I've been in love with you for nearly a year."

As Fili's lips parted when his mouth fell open from shock, Bard took advantage slotting their lips together sliding their tongues together while they both wrapped arms around the other pressing their bodies against one another. "I had no idea." Fili breathed as their kisses deepened turning more and more passionate leaving him feeling high and wanting more melting into to his friend with every touch. 

Bard combed his fingers through Fili's long curls enjoying the glint in Fili's eyes as he grinned shyly. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" 

As much as he would have liked to, Fili knew they couldn't lie together because he didn't want anyone to know about them yet, and continued to insist on not letting anyone know he was gay.

Kili suddenly stopped as he was about to go back outside as he looked out the screen door and saw the figures of two people locked in an embrace kissing by the pool. He knew it wasn't Ori and Dwalin because he just left them in the other room. The moment he realized it was Fili and Bard, his heart dropped. 

For so long he chose to deny any thoughts of Fili's sexuality, but now he had proof he had been right all along. His best friend he had intimate encounters with was gay, and Kili wasn't so sure how he felt about that now. Especially knowing how _he_ felt when Fili kissed him. 

Late that night when everyone was settling down to sleep, Fili and Kili took a bed in one of Boromir's extra rooms they had always slept in when they stayed here. Fili was just about to fall asleep when Kili's question caused him to become wide awake instead. "Fili...are you sure you didn't feel anything when you kissed me?" 

With his back turned toward Kili, Fili knew he couldn't see him bite his lip thinking of how he should answer. _'Did Kili feel something?...Did he see me and Bard kissing?...Why is he asking this again?'_ "No. Just like the last time you jerked me off you said you didn't feel anything for me doing that, it was just a sex act. The kiss was just a kiss, and I didn't feel anything for you. Not gay, Kee." 

Kili's repressed feelings for Fili were surfacing. Remembering what he'd said to Fili so long ago, Kili's words came back to haunt him, and stung like a slap in the face especially after seeing him in the arms of another knowing he may have pushed Fili away for good. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili becomes increasingly jealous of Fili and Bard's close friendship, falling into deep denial of what is evolving between those two.

The next morning, Fili was exceptionally chipper considering how late the teen had stayed up drinking, and his happiness was irritating Kili. It was strange for Kili not being the one everyone wanted to strangle the next day with his cheeriness, but he certainly wasn’t feeling it this morning. 

It didn’t take long for Fili to realize how much he was annoying Kili. Assuming his friend was hungover and or very tired still, he tried to keep his chattiness to a minimum on the drive home. The car was barely in park before Kili jumped out, and headed straight to his room slamming the door behind him. 

Dis looked at Fili as if he should know what her son’s problem was, but he just shrugged and went to his own room. After getting some more sleep until just afternoon, Fili left for Bard’s house returning home around nine in the evening.

Fili knocked on Kili’s door and entered with caution in attempt to talk and find out what was bothering him. His friend was rarely in such a foul mood, but when he was his silence was loud.

“Hey…what’s going on? You haven't been yourself today.”

“How would you know how I was today? You were gone all day…with _Bard_ I’m sure.”

“We always hangout together on Sunday afternoons.” 

“I _know!_ You _never_ have time for me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Kee. You’ve been so busy working at the arts center and going over to Dori's helping him write his new play, I guess I always assume you already have plans.”

“You never ask!”

“I’m sorry! If you have free time and want to do something, just tell me. We'll make plans, and I’m all yours. Promise!” 

Fili gave his friend his cute little grin, and all the tension Kili had been feeling drained away, but there was much more on his mind.

“Fili…last night when you and Bard were outside after I went back in…” Waiting for Kili to continue, Fili tensed wondering if he had seen them together quickly thinking of what to say.

“What?”

Still unsure of what he saw, and even more unsure of how he felt about it, Kili couldn’t bring himself to question Fili. He wanted the visions of his best friend and good friend kissing to vanish, hoping it was all because they had been drinking, that it was a one-time thing, a drunken mistake between friends. 

“Nothing…”

From then on the boys found time to do fun things together like they used to do trying to mend their broken friendship. But overtime they both became so busy with their schedules their time together, other than in passing at home, had diminished once more. Living together as brothers, they took each other for granted and rarely took time to chat before going to their rooms for the night, and Kili had become increasing jealous of Fili and Bard's close friendship. 

One nice summer evening when Dis had some time off work, Thorin declared it a family night making the boys cancel any plans to stay home for one evening. For dinner he grilled out everyone's favorites, they all took turns sharing things about what they had been up to lately, then the four of them enjoyed the pool together. It was much needed time for them all. Thorin and Dis had noticed the boys drifting apart, and were happy to see them smiling and laughing with one another again.

Awhile after Dis and Thorin went inside, Fili and Kili played around in the pool until the night air turned cool. As Fili was pulling up his long hair to wring it out, Kili noticed something questionable.

"So who's the vampire?"

"What? What're you talking about?"

"That mark on your neck. Are you messing around with somebody, and didn't tell me? I thought we were best friends that told each other everything! Who is she?" Always concerned with who his friend was seeing, Kili couldn't resist asking.

"Nobody. It won't happen again." Fili made a mental note to keep any future love bites hidden because he most certainly wanted more after how much he enjoyed receiving this one.

Kili knew his friend well enough to know he wasn't getting any more information out of him, so best to change the subject. "Hey, Faramir told me that new skatepark across town is pretty great! Would you want to check it out tomorrow?"

"I, uh...I can't." 

"Why not?" 

Even though they had been spending more time together after their talk awhile back, Fili knew Bard was still a touchy subject with Kili, and the fact he forgot again to ask Kili if he wanted to join them made Fili hesitant to reply. "Because...um...Bard and I are going to a concert tomorrow."

"Oh." Kili's look of disappointment was quite clear before he became upset the more he thought about it. "And you didn't think I might want to go too?"

"You've been so involved with..."

"You could've at least asked me! Fili, you stole my friend! And Bard stole you from me! Neither one of you ever think about me, like you guys don't want me around anymore! If I didn't know any better I'd swear you two were lovers!" With his towel in hand, Kili grabbed his clothes off a chair in a huff heading back to the house. 

"Kili, wait!" 

"Fuck you!" 

Fili started to go after his friend, but Kili was obviously pissed and rightfully so. He never meant to intentionally leave Kili out, but he did. Even Bard had stopped contacting Kili to hang out with him just the two of them anymore. 

Kili was jealous of his friends' relationship, and his feelings were hurt by the one friend, his best friend he never thought would forget about him making him feel so unimportant. For the next few weeks, Kili refused to speak to Fili until they were ready to go back to school to begin their senior year.

*

A few months into the school year, Kili had joined the drama club at school. Being extra busy doing two plays, working at the arts center and all his school work, had actually changed his mood for the better. He was happy to be around all his thespian friends again at both school and the arts center because they gave him the attention he needed that he was no longer receiving from his old friends.

One day returning home right after school, tossing his backpack on a kitchen chair, Fili proceeded to raid the refrigerator as he did every day looking for anything to drink or snack on. As he shut the refrigerator door, he heard voices in the family room. He recognized Kili's voice, but couldn't place the familiar cute little giggle of the other person.

With a sports drink in hand, Fili rounded the corner of the room stopping suddenly, surprised to see who was sitting on the couch cozied up against his friend. 

"Hi Fili!" Crystal greeted the blond standing there in shock.

"Hey Fee!" With a smirk Kili kept his arm draped around the pretty girl in effort to flaunt his new girlfriend.

"Hey." Fili regarded them for a moment. "What's going on here?"

Crystal moved to get up. "Oh, I was just leaving. I have tons of homework!" The girl with the lavender streaked blond hair leaned over to give Kili a quick kiss, but the brunet took control pulling her into a sloppy kiss slipping his tongue into her mouth unexpectedly leaving her a tad embarrassed in front of Fili. "Alrighty then!" She blushed as she stood, straightening her clothing, she gathered her things to leave. "Call me later, Kee! See ya Fili!"

Glaring at one another, the friends' eyes remained locked until the front door closed. 

"What're you doing, Kili?"

There is was, Kili thought hoping his new relationship with Crystal would make Fili jealous, but little did he know his plan was about to backfire. 

"What'd ya mean? Crystal's in drama club with me, and we've spent a lot of time together. She's my girlfriend now. Is that a problem? I mean, you obviously would rather spend your time with Bard than me, and besides, I didn't think you had anything to do with her after you _used_ her last year."

"I never used her! We never did _anything_ together! She's my friend. She's a good girl, Kili. Don't hurt her. And I mean it!"

The second Fili turned to leave the room, Kili bolted off the couch after him. "What do you mean, you didn't do anything together? I thought...didn't you...didn't you two..."

"No! No we didn't!"

"But she told..." Fili rounded on Kili getting in his face. 

"Crystal lied! She lied to Azog for me...and you! _That's_ what kind of girl she is! Don't you dare use her! And don't you dare play games with me thinking you're going to use her to get back at me!" With a look of warning Fili threatened Kili who shrunk at the truth he just learned about his girlfriend.

Initially Kili began dating Crystal with intentions of making Fili jealous of being with the girl he thought was Fili's 'first', and to get back at him for spending so much time with Bard. However, the more he got to know Crystal, the more Kili began to really like her and they continued to date for a few months before she graduated early and moved away. 

~`~

As the holidays approached, to fill the void Fili and Crystal had left, Kili embraced his theatre life and friends by giving every waking moment away from school to the stage. Though he and Fili still talked, things weren't quite the same between them. Kili re-evaluated their friendship even more after Bard invited Fili to spend the holidays with him and his family at their getaway tropical island home. 

Kili was very jealous knowing how much fun they were going to have because he was invited to go with the Lake's family when he was eleven. Memories of that special holiday, he would never forget, but it wasn't just the holiday trip that made him jealous. He missed his best friend in general.

As Bard's dad helped Fili pack his bags into their van, Kili's car pulled into the driveway. Fili was glad to see him wanting to say good-bye knowing he wouldn't see him again until after the holidays were over, but after Kili got out of his car he wouldn't look at Bard and he just waved at Fili as he passed by him on his way inside without a word. 

~`~

Dis didn't know what to do with her boys anymore. Talking to them never seemed to get anywhere, and Thorin begged her to let it go. They were growing up, and whatever was going on was between them was up to them to figure out. 

"Dis, they're at an age in their lives where they're trying to find themselves. They'll figure things out on their own in time." It sounded like logical sound parenting advice, or so Thorin thought.

Unfortunately for Thorin, he was about to learn more about parenting than he ever wanted to.

It was a snowy day in late February. Nori had just dropped Bard and Fili off from work at Fili's house. Knowing Dis and Thorin were at work, and Kili was at the arts center, the boys knew the house was all theirs to do whatever for a few hours. 

Sitting on the family room couch, the teens took advantage of their alone time stripping off most of their clothes before getting comfortable. Bard wrapped a muscular arm around his little blond and gently traced his finger across his bearded jaw leaning him back to kiss him languidly while his fingers continued to trail down his chest moving slowly toward what he really desired to touch to most. 

Fili melted under Bard's control, as his kisses turned a little more demanding as the seconds passed by. With passion growing between them, the brunet pulled back breathing heavily gazing into his boyfriend's gorgeous blue eyes. 

"I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level, if you are. I want to make love to you...I want you so bad Fili!"

The blond's heart began to race with lustful desire, but his mind raced with emotional reality. Fili thought he was in love with Bard, but the thought of losing his virginity to him gave him a moment to pause. The only person Fili ever wanted to give himself to was Kili, and yet Kili did not and would not ever love him this way. It was very possible maybe Bard was the one he would spend the rest of his life with, and he cared deeply for him. 

With a sensual kiss, Bard prodded. "Can we go to your bed?" 

Feeling Bard's hand teasing his cock through his briefs, Fili wanted more from his boyfriend too. "Let's go." Bard was surprised, but elated and willing as he picked up their clothes and followed Fili to his bedroom.

Shutting the bedroom door behind them, the awkwardness began. It wasn't as if they hadn't seen one another naked before, but knowing what they were about to do made slipping out of their briefs a little more intimidating as Fili reached in his nightstand drawer pulling out a couple little foil packages handing one to Bard. 

Thorin returned home from work early, and ran upstairs to change clothes. As he was walking up the stairs and down the hallway, he heard moaning coming from Fili's room. On instinct thinking something might be wrong, Thorin opened Fili's door to check on him.

"Oh shit!" No one could have moved any faster than he did to close the bedroom door after catching the teens in a very compromising position. Leaning against the door in a panic, Thorin's deep voice was strained. "Bard, I think you need to go home now! Fili...come to my room in a few minutes please! We need to talk."

Knowing they were busted, Fili assured Bard Thorin was cool, and wouldn't say anything to his parents. They got up to dress, and Bard gave Fili another long kiss assuming it might be the last for awhile depending on how his talk with Thorin would go. "I love you, Fili."

Looking into his boyfriend's dark eyes, he wished he could return the sentiment, but he remained true to himself only giving him a sheepish grin and a nod. "I'll call or text you later."

After Bard had gone, Fili went to Thorin's bedroom and knocked lightly before entering. "I'm so sorry Thorin." Fili apologized, completely mortified. He wasn't sure if he was more embarrassed about getting caught with Bard or the fact it was Thorin that caught them, though he was grateful it was Thorin and not Dis. 

Thorin shook his head and patted the bed for the boy to join him. "You don't think I was ever a horny teenage boy curious about sex?"

 _'Thanks Thorin. Now I'll never be able to look at you the same.'_ And right now Fili was trying desperately not to look at Thorin at all. 

"Its natural for you to be curious and want to have sex at your age. Why do you think I gave Kili those condoms to share with you a long time ago? Fili, I have to ask...was this your first time, you know, doing...that?"

"No, I mean, we weren't doing anything...yet. To be honest, I'm glad you showed up. I was really nervous about it."

Thorin let out a sigh of relief able to breathe normally again. "Fili, don't ever do anything you don't want to do just because someone else wants you to." Thorin studied the teen for a minute. "Are you really into guys, or were you just experimenting?"

 _'Experimenting.'_ It was a thing apparently. _'If Thorin only knew how often me and Kili experimented!'_

"I like girls, but I prefer guys."

"Are you and Bard...together? Like, is he your..."

"Yes."

"Do you love him?" Seeing Fili give him a quick glance, Thorin was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"I care about him and like him a lot, but...I'm not sure if I'm _in love_ with him yet." 

"Then give your relationship more time before you......you know...go there...do that." Thorin could tell by watching Fili something more concerned him. "This is between us. I promise I won't say anything to Dis about this. I can barely talk to you about...this."

Fili took a deep breath. It wasn't Dis he was concerned about. "Not that you would, but please don't mention anything about this around Kili. He doesn't know."

"Kili doesn't know you and Bard are...more than friends?"

The blond shook his head, and finally looked directly at his guardian. "No, and he doesn't know I'm gay."

This could explain the strain on his boys' relationship over the past year, but seemed curiously odd for best friends living under the same roof to have such a secret between them.

"Kili's been your best friend forever. I'm curious why you would keep this from him."

"He a lot like your father." This, Thorin understood. "He threatened me with our friendship if he ever found out I was gay, but to be honest...I don't care anymore." 

"I had no idea he was like that. He's friends with Ori, it doesn't make sense."

Fili knew Thorin didn't know how complicated it was, and didn't want to divulge their deepest secret. "He has reasons."

Thorin was sad to hear Kili being compared to his grandfather, and sorry he never saw it in his nephew. "Do you want me to talk to Kili?"

"No, and I'll tell him when I'm ready...please don't say anything to him."

"I promise." Thorin smiled warmly. "You can talk to me anytime, about anything. I'm not my father."

"Thanks Thorin..." As the two got up to leave Thorin's bedroom, Fili gave his guardian a hug. "...for being mine."

A bit teary eyed Thorin held the teen in his arms for a moment. "Your father was a great man. I never wanted to take his place, but I do think of you as my son. I love you Fili."

"Thanks for everything. I love you too, Thorin."

~`~

A heavy May thunderstorm rolled off the lake waking Kili in the middle of the night. Since he was awake he made a trip to the bathroom, and on the way back to his room he heard the sound of muffled voices coming from Fili's room. Bard was spending the night, and even though Thorin tried to talk Kili into staying in the same room with the other boys for reasons he didn't tell his nephew, Kili refused to pretend to be friends with them anymore. 

Still jealous of their friendship, Kili was feeling rather curious or nosey, and wanted to hear what they were talking about. Pressing an ear against the bedroom door, Kili was sorry he eavesdropped when he heard what was being said. Hearing the exchange of 'I love you's', Kili's felt actual pain in his heart learning the truth in which he was denial about for so long. 

Going back to his room, torn with conflicting thoughts, Kili cried in frustration. He could hear his grandfather preaching to him about how wrong and sick it was to be gay, and how he would disown him like he did his uncle Frerin if he ever found out he was. He heard echoes of what Fili said during a conversation years ago _'What if I liked you that way?'_ He remembered the first time he began to have sexual feelings for Fili, and the way he chastised himself, believing how wrong it was to feel this way about his friend. 

Kili remembered the way Fili looked lying in his hospital bed fearing he could possibly lose his best friend forever. How he'd told Fili he loved him a thousand times in their lifetime, but when he kissed Fili to say good-bye and tell him he loved him that time, it felt different. 

When Fili was well again, Kili had convinced himself he was just worried about losing his best friend. He wasn't gay, he couldn't be gay, it was wrong. He denied what he felt, repressing any thoughts and feelings he had for Fili, trying so hard to prove he wasn't gay, he pushed Fili away and right into Bard's arms.

*

The next morning Fili and Bard went to the kitchen in search of something to eat. Kili was already there at the kitchen table having cold cereal. They all said good morning to each other as Kili continued watching the two of them being all cute and silly with each other while they made pancakes. 

Finally Kili had enough. He was jealous, angry, and hurt. Dropping his spoon into the glass bowl, Kili shoved away from the table and headed out of the kitchen. "You guys make me sick."

Bard and Fili stopped everything they were doing to look at one another. As they both started to go after their friend, Fili stopped Bard. "Let me talk to him." 

Fili ran after Kili and caught him before he ran back up the stairs. "Kili, what's wrong? Did we do something to make you mad at us?"

That would be a complete understatement, Kili thought but didn't say. "Are you and Bard...together? Are you...gay?"

This wasn't how Fili wanted to have this conversation, but he didn't want to pretend around Kili anymore. "Yes...and yes. Do you hate me now? I swear it's not contagious."

"Shut up, Fee. Don't be stupid. No. I don't hate you. You know I've been jealous of your friendship with Bard for over a year now, but I need to know...do you love him?"

Bard stepped into the hallway where Fili could see him listening to their conversation. 

"Yes. I do. And we were going to tell Thorin and Dis our plans as soon as I told you about us, so now that you know..." Fili felt like they were being watched, and as he looked up the stairway he saw Dis standing at the top of the stairs.

Dis went to get Thorin and they gathered in the family room to hear what Fili and Bard had to say about their future plans. Kili shifted uncomfortably in his seat listening to Fili talk. 

*

"I'm starting at the police academy the week after I graduate, and Bard's starting medical school in the fall, but we're planning on moving in together right after I turn eighteen. We've already been looking for apartments." Fili's eyes shifted from person to person waiting for some response.

Thorin grinned knowing Fili and Bard had been together for a long time, but Dis was shocked for she had been as completely oblivious to them even being a couple as Kili was, though he wasn't as shocked over it. 

"Well, Fili, I mean you can still live here while you're going to the police academy, and save money instead of paying rent." It was the mother in Dis wanting to continue taking care of Fili and keep him from moving out right away. 

With this new development, learning about Fili and Bard, Kili had no regrets about the decision he had made about his own future. The brunet cleared his throat to pull the attention away from Fili and Bard. "I have some news about my future plans too."

Dis looked at her son over a furrowed brow. "Mom, Thorin, you know those two colleges for the arts you helped me apply to? I was finally accepted." 

"That's great, sweetheart! Which one?" Dis perked up.

"Neither of those." Fili and Bard both looked as confused as Dis and Thorin now. Kili stared at Fili while he explained watching for his best friend's reaction. "Dori helped me applied to a very special school for performing arts, and they accepted me. They gave me a scholarship."

"That's wonderful, Kee!" Dis' excitement grew, but all smiles and excitement was about to fade rapidly after Thorin asked, "What school? Where is it? Is this around here?"

As Kili expected knowing how very far away the school was from home, the reaction from his mother was a loud gasp, but Fili never batted an eye nor broke their locked gaze. 

"London. I'm leaving right after graduation next week."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi - Kili and Tauriel are and will remain strictly friends.

"Good for you, Kee." Fili meant it. He was proud of Kili following his dreams, but he wondered why Kili wouldn't stop staring at him. _'Is he scared? He looks scared. Does he want me to tell him not to go?'_

Dis on the other hand was beside herself. She didn't want to squash her sons hopes and dreams, and the fact he got a scholarship, well, she wouldn't deny him such a wonderful opportunity, but still. Kili was her baby, and the thought of him going overseas, so far away from home concerned her immensely. The longest he'd ever been away from home was the holiday he went with Bard's family to their island home, and that was only for a week.

"Kili, this is all so sudden! I mean, you'll have to find a place to stay, and..."

"That's all been taken care of, Mom. I just need to get my passport updated, and I'll need you to sign a few papers for me. I'm going to live with Tauriel." Dis wanted to cry, Thorin and Fili wanted to be supportive, and Bard sat silent listening to Kili's intriguing plans. 

"She got a scholarship too. Her grandparents live there, and they own a place they rent out, so we're going to live there while we go to school." Kili smiled feeling a bit of relief he finally told everyone of his plans. "See, you won't have to worry about me! I won't be alone in a foreign country with strangers. Tauriel's grandparents will help us out if we need anything." 

Even if Dis was still wary, Thorin was proud of Kili. He took it upon himself to work out all the details like a responsible adult though he wished the boy hadn't sprung the news on them like this. 

~`~

The days that followed flew by, busier than ever for everyone finishing up school, preparing for graduation as well as buying necessities and packing suitcases for Kili.

Graduation day was filled with laughter and smiles as tons of photos were taken and memories of childhood stories were exchanged. Everyone was lighthearted and having a great time. Fili and Kili bonded like brothers again for their special day. As the boys helped one another fix their ties before the ceremony, they had a moment to give thanks for one another. 

"We did it!" Kili's smile was everything to Fili. He hadn't seen his friend smile so much in a very long time.

"Yes, we did!" Fili bit his lip thinking about his mother. "Thanks, Kee."

"For what?"

"For being my best friend. For helping me through everything, you know...all the rough times I had when Mom was sick both before she died and when we were little."

"Thank you for being my brother, and always watching out for me...and kicking Azog's ass every now 'n then." They both had a good laugh, and gave each other a quick hug before taking their seats.

After the graduation ceremony was over, Fili found Tauriel. Something prompted him to have a talk with Kili's future roommate, feeling like Kili's brother still trying to look out for him.

"I know how Kili is." The tall redheaded girl agreed with Fili. "You know how strongwilled he can be, but I promise I'll _try_ keep him in check."

*

The next day was the hardest day of Dis' life next to losing her best friend. Sending her only child off on a plane to a foreign country was nerve-racking enough, she knew she wouldn't be able to see Kili again until the holidays when he planned to come home almost a half year away. With hug after hug, and tears and kisses, Thorin finally freed his nephew from his sister long enough to congratulate him and wish him good luck as he began his new adult life just weeks before his eighteenth birthday.

Then Fili got to have the last few moments alone with his best friend before he had to board the plane.

"I am really proud of you, Kili. Mom would've been proud of you too. She really wanted to be at your first play you know."

"She was there Fili. I have no doubt. I know you didn't know it, but her stories she told me how she dreamed of always wanting to be a stage performer is what encouraged me to stick with it."

Fili grinned. "You'll be the best! Don't fight with Tauriel too much, since you have to live with her." The blond's dimples deepen as he gave Kili a wink.

"Thanks Fee. Your support means a lot to me...Good luck with Bard." 

"Thanks. That means a lot to me coming from you. He is good to me, and I'm sure we'll be happy together." 

Hearing it was time for him to board the plane, Kili picked up his carry-on and started to go. "I guess I'll see you when I come back for the holidays!"

Fili gave a nod before he reached out to give Kili a hug. Kili dropped his bag and curled his fingers into Fili shirt holding him tight. He tried to be strong, and did well until now as he began to tear up knowing this was really was good-bye for many months. On queue like he had done all his life with Fili when he got nervous or scared, he whispered, _"I love you, Fili."_

With a relaxed sigh Fili replied, "I love you too, Kili." He smiled as he let go coaxing his friend to go. "You need to get going. I'll see you again before you know it!"

~`~

Kili called home every now and then to keep up with everyone. Settling into his new surroundings, and getting used to living with Tauriel was a bit of a challenge, but they got on well. 

Apartment life was going great for Fili and Bard who had been living together all summer. Fili's training with the police academy was coming along nicely as he continued to work part-time for Nori's handyman crew. Bard also continued to work full-time with Nori building houses, but now that classes were about to begin, the future medical student had doubts. 

After a long miserable day working in the sweltering heat, Bard came home to take a shower and relax while Fili made their dinner. After the two ate and cleaned up the kitchen, Bard sat down with Fili to have a serious talk. 

"Fili...I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future. I'm not my Mom and Dad. I guess since I was a little kid I assumed I would follow in my parents footsteps. I always thought I wanted to be a doctor like my mom or a paramedic like my dad, but..."

Fili wanted sat next to his man and put an arm around him. "I get it. You're not sure you want to go to medical school now."

Bard shook his head. "I don't."

Always supportive, Fili tried be understanding. "Do you know what you want to do?"

"I want to join the Navy." Bard glances over to see Fili's shocked expression. "I went to talk to the recruiter last week to get more information, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Fee...I really want to do this."

"Why didn't you talk to me about this sooner?" As Fili slowly brought his arm back to place his hands in his lap, Bard knew how upset his boyfriend was. "If you go, can I go with you? I-I could live on base couldn't I?"

Bard saw the hurt look in Fili's eyes, and it was tearing him apart. "I can't ask that of you. I'd be gone for long periods of time, leaving you all alone. It would be completely unfair of me to ask you to live like that. You just got started on your police training, and I don't want you to give up your dream."

"But Bard, I have nothing keeping me here! I could still find another police academy somewhere near the base to..."

Bard stopped Fili with a kiss. "No. Please Fili, it was hard enough to make the decision to go. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you, but this is something I have to do. Please, you have to understand."

Fili didn't want to understand, and all he knew right now was his future, all the plans they'd made, the life he thought was going to have with Bard was falling apart. Fili shook his head knowing what Bard was saying. "Then what about me? What about us? So you're leaving me?"

*

Dis tried to convince Fili to come back to live with her and Thorin, but doing some soul searching of his own, Fili made a very unexpected decision. 

"What do you mean you're giving up your training? I thought this was all you've ever wanted, Fili?" Dis kept looking to Thorin for support, but he couldn't find a reason for Fili not to do what he was planning for he had done the exact same thing around his age. 

"I want to see the country. It will give me all the time I need to find myself, and figure out what I want to do with my life. I have money, and with my construction skills, I'll be able to find work here and there to support myself on the road." Fili was certain this is what he wanted, only looking for their support. 

"I understand, Fili." Thorin said with care, though Dis wanted to smack her brother. 

"Shut up, Thorin! Don't encourage him to do this!" 

"I'm not encouraging him to go, but if this is what he wants to do then I'll support his decision because I do understand! I did the same thing at his age...I'm sorry I hurt you Dis." Fili saw the looks between brother and sister hoping Thorin would elaborate now, which he did. "Fili, after Frerin ran away, I sort of ran away too. At first I went looking for Frerin, then I got used to being on the road and continued to travel to find myself. I never forgave my father for what he did to drive Frerin away, but it helped me come back to help Dis when she was having a hard time with her asshole husband." 

Dis never heard Thorin's explanation of why he actually came back. They would talk in private later for sure. "Our father forgave Thorin for taking off, and brought him into the family business turning it over to Thorin when he was ready to move away and retire." 

"You really never heard anything from Frerin after he left?" Fili was still curious about what happened between father and son, but wouldn't pry. 

"No." Dis said sadly. "Fili, if this is truly what you wish to do, and you know you're doing this for all the right reasons, not just because you're running away after a break up with your first love, then we'll support your decision." 

"Thank you, Dis. Thorin. I know it's what I need to do." 

"We are your family, and this is your home, sweetheart. Know that no matter where you go, or how old you are, you'll always be allowed to come home, dear." Dis hugged her 'son' trying to comfort him, and it worked.

Fili grinned mischievously. "Aunt Dis? Do we have any ice cream?" Dis' laughter filled him with happiness. He knew how much she loved him and cared about him. He was going to be alright, and knowing he had Thorin's support and Dis' love he'd always have somewhere to call home was all the confirmation he needed to follow through with the next chapter of his life.

~`~

Fili told Kili of his plans, and asked that they not have any contact until they both came home for the holidays. Kili was understanding of Fili's wishes, and agreed because he was extremely busy with his studies and work at the theatre. They both agreed it would make coming home for the holidays even more exciting to see one another again. 

As the holidays approached, Fili unfortunately found himself on the other side of the country. Things didn't go as planned to work his way back home by then, so Thorin bought him a flight home. Picking Fili up at the airport, Thorin greeted him with open arms. "So good to see you again, Fee! Dis will be pleased to see how great you look! It's good to have you back home." 

"Thanks, Thorin." Fili grinned sheepishly. "It's good to be home. I can't wait to see Kili again either! Isn't he home yet?" 

"No, something happened with their plane reservations and he had to get a later flight, but he'll be here tomorrow." Thorin smiled. "Give us time to catch up with you before Kili gets here. You know how none of us will get a word in once he gets started telling us all about his adventures in London, I'm sure." 

Dis' welcome home was just what Fili wanted and needed with plenty of hugs and kisses, and of course a hearty meal of all his favorite foods prepared and waiting on the kitchen table for his arrival. The house was decorated like a winter wonderland. Fili was truly home again, and as he laid down on the bed to rest in his old room, he stared at the ceiling and smiled almost giddy with himself. "I can't wait for Christmas! I'm sure my gift to them will be the greatest gift ever! I'm so glad to be home. I know what I want now, and I can't wait to see Kili again!"

*

The next day, Thorin, Dis and Fili went to the airport to pick up Kili. Tauriel's family was there as well for her. The families talked, and had a few laughs together as they waited for their children to arrive. 

Dis poked Fili. "Do you have any idea what Kili's big surprise is?"

Fili shrugged. "I have no idea. Knowing Kili, it could be anything!" 

"He sounded so excited about whatever it was." Dis sighed wondering what could make her son so happy. "Do you think maybe he's been offered a role in a movie or something already? That would certainly be amazing!"

"Maybe. That would pretty amazing, huh?" Fili walked away to go find somewhere to buy a drink.

Thorin tipped his head looking at his sister. "Did Kili ever tell you who the guest is he's bringing home with him?"

"What guest? No, he never..." 

The announcement came for the arrival of Kili and Tauriel's plane. With a hot coffee in hand, Fili made his way back over to his family. Tauriel was the first one to make her way off the plane, and before her family could even greet her, the tall redheaded girl made a beeline for Fili.

Grabbing Fili by the shirt, Tauriel pulled him aside. "You need to talk some sense into your moron of a brother, or friend, or whatever he is to you! I won't ruin his _surprise_ or anything, but you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when he tells you! Call me later if you want more information." In a flash the girl had released the bewildered blond and ran to her parents.

Thorin's eyes darted from Fili's baffled expression to smiling Kili hurrying toward them. "Mom! Fili! Thorin!" In dramatic fashion, he hugged them one by one overjoyed to see his family again. "It's so great to be back! I missed you guys so much!" 

With a finger poking his shoulder, Kili turned with the sound of a female clearing her throat as his family all did a double-take. "Um, hey, everybody! I told you I was bringing a guest home with me..." 

_"No you didn't!"_ Fili thought to himself just as Dis repeated his thought out loud. "No, Kili, you didn't tell me." 

"Well, I guess I told Thorin. Sorry, Mom." 

Dis shot Thorin a look as he tried to defend himself. "Don't look at me like that! I thought he told you too!"

"Well, this is Venice. She's my girlfriend..." The silence that befell the family was instant staring at the beautiful raven haired young woman dressed in expensive clothing looking every bit as wealthy as she was. 

*

Completely unsettling, the ride home was the most uncomfortable Fili believed he'd ever been in his life. Dis was fuming, Thorin remaining silent not knowing what to say but knew what not to say to his sister, and Fili wanted to take a rolling jump out of the car and call a cab if he had to listen to this girl's annoying giggle another second. 

As anticipated, Kili rambled on telling tales of how they met and the girl continuously giggled at everything he said the entire hour long drive home. 

_'Fucking gods, shoot me now!'_ Fili mumbling to himself. 

"What'd you say, Fee?" Kili stopped talking only for a second when he thought he heard his friend say something. 

"Nothing." If he could, Fili would've made himself spontaneously explode all over them. _'I'm going to slap the shit out of you when we get home, Kili!'_

After arriving home, Thorin and Fili helped Kili carrying in their bags while Dis stormed into the house hanging up her coat she tired to calm herself. Venice was Kili's shadow following his every step. 

"Well!" Dis said once all the bags were brought in and coats were hung up. "Kili, you've pretty much told us every minute of your life for the past six months, I can't wait any longer! What's the exciting news you wanted to share with us?"

Kili took Venice's hand in his, and grinned as if he couldn't contain himself any longer. "I'm going to be in a movie!"

Everyone gasps, then laughed excited for Kili. "That's wonderful, sweetheart!" Dis was so proud. "Great! That's great, Kee!" Thorin clamped his hand on his nephew's shoulder feeling just as proud as Dis.

"Good job, Kee." Fili smirked flashing his dimples at him. "I knew someone would see how talented you are."

"Venice's father is a famous movie producer, and he got me the role!" Suddenly everything about this young woman became a bit clearer to Kili's family. 

Venice nudged Kili a little, coaxing him to continue. "And...Venice and I are getting married..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to wrap this up I swear! I'm not sure how long it will be, but I promise it will be the end no matter how long it becomes! Thank you every single one of you for sticking with me this far! As always, your comments and kudos kept me going and are very much appreciated!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised one more chapter, but it really did become too long. So! I opted to break this into two chapters posting them at the same time.

Fili lived by the saying 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' walking straight passed Kili, he went to his room to call Tauriel. 

With phone in hand awaiting Fili's call, Tauriel answered in half a ring. "What took you so long?"

"Oh my gods, what the fuck? Why? How did this happen? You were supposed to be watching out for him!" Fili was pretty sure someone downstairs probably heard him, and he didn't care. 

" _I tried!_ I haaaate her! She's obnoxious, rude, selfish and I guess you know by now how annoying she is with that, that irritating giggle of hers!" Tauriel seemed more upset about Venice than Fili for the moment, feeling sympathy for her being trapped in an airplane with the horrible girl for approximately nine hours or so. 

"She better not be rude to Kili's mom, or her ass will be tossed out the front door!" _'On second thought, I hope she is rude to Dis, I'd like to see that!'_

"Fili, I know the only reason he asked her to marry him was because she promised him her father would get him a part in his new movie, I'm sure of it! She's such a bitch, I can't imagine any other reason why he would sacrifice himself like this! I got to know him really well living together all these months, and he's really sweet and kind, but oh so gullible! I hate to see him make such a huge mistake." 

"Thanks Tauri." Fili had to rush off the phone when he heard Kili banging on his locked bedroom door. "I may call you again sometime soon."

Fili unlocked his door to let Kili in. It took everything out of him to control saying something he'd regret when Kili asked, "Well? What do you think of her? She's something, isn't she?"

"Oh, she's _something_ alright! Kee, you can't possibly really love her."

"Of course I do, we're getting married!"

"I hear you're getting married, but that doesn't mean you _love_ her."

The doubt Fili saw in Kili's eyes was enough for him to act upon. Before Kili could say another word, Fili slammed him against his closet door and kissed him. He was expecting Kili to push him away, to possibly put up a fight, but he did quite the opposite. 

At first Kili was tense, caught off-guard by Fili's actions, but then he relaxed sliding his fingers into Fili's long golden curls, feeling the warmth of Fili's tongue slipping between his parted lips to meet his own. Letting down the guarded wall he'd built between them, Kili gave into his feelings for Fili, never wanting their kiss to end. 

This was not the first kiss experience Fili ever dreamt of having with Kili, but it slowly turned into the beautiful sensual kiss he had always wanted. The air around them was thick with emotion as Kili took control of their kiss seemingly wanting it more than Fili deepening their kiss, moving an arm down to wrap about the blond's waist holding him closer against his body to feel his heart beating out his chest. 

When Fili pulled back to look into those soulful eyes of Kili's looking back still filled with doubt, he told him what he could no longer keep to himself. "I love you Kili." The seconds that followed felt like an eternity waiting for Kili to respond. "Kili? I know you love you me too. _Please_ say it." 

The grating female voice called from the stairway intruding on their moment. "Kili? Are you up there?"

Letting go of Kili, Fili backed away hearing Venice coming up the stairs, and shook his head as he walked across the room. 

It pained Kili to see hurt in the cold stare of Fili's blue eyes fixed on him. "Get out. I don't want that girl in my room. We'll talk later."

"Fili, I-I..." 

Venice managed to come into Fili's room before Kili could exit, taking him by the arm. "I'm sorry Fili, I need my Kiwi to come with me! We have a lot of planning to get done in two days!" 

If it was physically possible, Fili's jaw would've hit the floor as his eyes widened in utter shock. "Two days?!"

"We wanted to get married here before Christmas so all my family and friends would be here. We're going to have another ceremony in England with all her family and friends after we return. Fee, I wanted to ask you if you'd be my best man." From the way his friend was eyeing him, Kili already knew what the answer would be.

" **NO**." Fili pushed passed the odd couple and flew down the stairs and out the door.

*

The desperate blond stood on Tauriel's doorstep pleading for her help. "Tauriel, please! I'm begging you! Take Venice out tonight, please! I need to spend some time alone with Kili! Those two have been inseparable the entire time they've been here!"

"No, Fili! I can't stand her!"

"I swear I'll do anything for you, if you just do this one thing for me! This is so important to me!"

"I don't owe you anything!"

"I know you don't, but you told me yourself how much you hate Venice and don't want Kili to make a mistake by marrying her! You're the only person she knows here besides Kili, and it wouldn't be weird if you take her out to, you know, to celebrate her wedding. I'm going to take Kili over to Boromir's house for a some drinks before I bring him home so we can...talk..."

Fili held his breath waiting for Tauriel's answer. "Alright. I'll do it, but you owe me BIG Durin!"

With a little persuading, the scheming blond was able to talk Thorin into taking Dis out for dinner, shopping and movie for a few hours to clear the house for his and Kili's drunken return. Everything was falling into place.

*

To set his plan in motion, Fili appeased Kili for the time being agreeing to be his best man. As the best man, he told Kili it was his duty to take him out for the night to celebrate together, and Tauriel would do the same with Venice. 

After explaining everything to Boromir, he invited Faramir over so the four of them could have a little get-together for Kili. Fili and Kili had a good time drinking and shooting pool with their friends for a short while, just long enough to get good and drunk, then Boromir drove them home safely. 

Grabbing ahold of the kitchen island, Fili stumbled catching himself holding tight to a bottle of vodka in his other hand. Both of the intoxicated friends laughed so hard they were almost in tears. 

When Fili looked up seeing Kili leaning against the sink looking all sexy and sweet watching him with a smirk, he returned the look. 

Sarcastically Kili tried to poke fun at his friend. “Drunk's not a good look on you, Fili.”

Sitting the bottle on the counter a little too hard, the blond staggered over to his dark haired friend falling against him pinning his thin frame to the sink. Fili hummed feeling quite cozy this way gazing into Kili’s hazel eyes. "I know exactly what would look better on me." he said with wicked grin as he sort of giggled biting his lower lip pressing himself a little tighter against his captive with hands holding onto the sink behind the brunet caging him in. 

Kili squirmed trying to free himself all but for a second. The smell of Fili’s cologne calmed his desire to push him away enjoying his friend’s weight pressed against him. Kili took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Fili’s cologne. It was spice with a hint of musk, and it was driving him crazy. 

Fili leaned his broad chest into Kili a little harder feeling his heartbeat aroused him further. Wanting to kiss his friend again, the blond looked up. As their eyes met, Kili’s breathes came heavier feeling what was happening between them. 

“Fili...you’re getting hard.”

With a cocky grin, Fili snickered. “So are you.” The blond slowly began to grind his growing erection against Kili's. “What’d ya say, Kee? One more time for old time sake?”

Feeling Fili’s breath ghost his lips ever so lightly, Kili felt his heart trying to pound out of his chest.

“I wanna fuck you Kili.” 

Just as he was about to kiss his friend, Kili grabbed Fili by his muscular arms spinning him around trading places to pin him against the sink. “No!”

The move was so unexpected, Fili worried for a second he’d made a mistake, until Kili kissed him hard followed by more kisses brushing across his bearded jawline and down his neck as he took a turn grinding his needy hard-on against Fili's.

"No." The brunet pulled back staring into his friend's blue eyes darkened with lust. “ **I** want to fuck you. It’s been too many years of denying myself the pleasure of feeling myself inside you. I want you so bad Fili.”

Feeling his cock straining against the taut material of his jeans, Fili teased Kili for another kiss licking his liquor coated lips before he asked in his lightest, sexiest voice, "What are we waiting for?"

 

None of Fili’s life expectation happened as he imagined so why would he think sex between he and Kili would be any different. It wasn’t perfect. It was hot, untamed, lust and desire, with a bit of sass, and a few moments of loving tenderness. All the years of wanting and needing to love one another this way came flooding into play at once as they tugged at buttons and zippers pulling off their clothing while their bodies kept in constant contact through kissing or touching somewhere as hands roamed recklessly exploring each other's bodies. 

Shoving Fili onto the bed, Kili sort of growled nudging the blond's thighs apart to crawl over him as if he was about to devour his prey. Gazing at his friend through a veil of desire, Kili chastised himself for denying himself of this pleasure for so many years. Seeing how beautiful Fili looked writhing beneath him took his breath away. So wanted and needy begging for Kili to give him what he desired as they rutted their cocks together until they had become slick with precum watching one another as lust took them higher. 

Fili’s chest heaved with jagged breaths. “I can’t wait to feel you inside me, Kili.”

Kili glanced down between them. Remembering the last time they’d been intimate, how he licked his lips after brushing against Fili’s leaking cock. In a low husky tone, Kili revealed one of his desires as he lowered himself to kiss his lover once more. “I need to taste you first, Fili.” As he brushed his beard along the blond’s cheek, he whispered in his ear “Every inch of you.”

Moving downward Kili trailed hot kisses, licking and sucking his way down Fili’s chest lingering only for a moment to tease the blond’s harden nipple with a flick of his tongue. Arching his back, Fili combed his fingers into Kili’s long hair to hold his head, feeling the brunet swirling his tongue around the heated skin of his belly working his way slowly down between his thighs to take his harden length into his mouth.

Nothing could compare to the first time Fili felt Kili’s moist tongue lick his thick cock dipping his tongue into the slit to taste him just before being plunged into the heat of Kili's mouth going down on him sucking him hard bobbing up and down on his swollen shaft while his fingers grazed over the blond’s balls tightening as they began to pull up. "Feels so good, Kee…d-don't stop...please don't stop..." Fili’s raspy voice begged.

Then Kili surprised his friend more. With Kili's lips wrapped tightly around Fili’s throbbing cock, the blond heard the snap of a plastic lid just before he felt the intrusion of a lube-slicked finger into his tight hole. A filthy moan escaped Fili, throwing his head back he began to pant almost immediately feeling even needier as Kili fingered him while he continued to suck his thick cock. “More... _Kili...please!”_

Kili hummed with pleasure knowing he was pleasing his friend stopping only for a moment to come up for some air. “Mmm, you taste so good, Fee. Do you like that? Does your cock feel good in my mouth?”

Fili nodded unable to speak just yet as Kili teased his hole with a second finger. “Tell me when you want another...”

Finally exhaling harshly after a few minutes Fili pleaded. “More! Kili...”

Kili smirked feeling pretty cocky about his sexual skills. “You want another finger already? Hmm…look at you...you want it really bad don't you?”

Bearing down on Kili’s fingers he coaxed them into himself deeper, it didn’t take long for Fili to beg again. “Another! Please…more! Feels so good...” 

Slipping a third finger into his lover's gaping hole, the brunet continued to work his fingers smoothing around the ring of muscle stretching him then teasing the sensitive nerves at the rim with his fingertips while he was palming his own aching cock with his other hand. Bending over to give Fili’s twitching cock a lick now and then, Kili almost couldn’t contain himself with want for his blond lover riding his fingers. After a few more minutes, Fili was about to lose his mind with the intensity of pleasure he was feeling with Kili’s fingers twisting inside him. “Fuck me, Kili! Oh gods, hurry up and fuck me!”

Quickly swiping his hand across the sheet reaching for his nightstand, Kili grabbed a foil pack and tore it open with his teeth. Handing the condom to Fili he grinned. “I want to watch you put it on me.” Sitting between the blond's thighs on his knees, the brunet bit his bottom lip and rolled his hips a few times playfully showing Fili how ready his long hard cock was. 

"You're such a tease Kili." Fili readily rolled the condom over his friend's long cock, then generously coated it with the lube the brunet drizzled onto his fingers.

Giving the blond a naughty look, Kili loved the feel of Fili's hand wrapped around his cock slicking it with lube. "I needed to feel your hand on me."

Looking up at his dark exotic lover, Fili lost himself in Kili's hazel eyes watching what a mess he was making of him. All he wanted now was to feel his friend inside of him, bringing their bodies together becoming one at last. Kili slowly and gently pushed his rock hard length into his friend’s smooth hot channel. He was still so tight the feeling was overwhelming.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You won’t. I trust you.”

"I have to confess something..." Fili tipped his head in wonder. "...this is my first time." 

Fili smiled with a light heart. "Me too." 

"Liar." 

Fili shook his head. "Not lying. I was always afraid, but I'm not with you." 

"I love you, Fili." Kili said with a gentle smile. 

For the first time in their lives, Fili heard Kili say what he longed to hear knowing this time he meant he was _in love_ with him. Fili reached up to trace the side of Kili's face lightly padding his fingertips along his stubble beard. "I love you too, Kili." 

Fili's fingers stroked the muscles defining Kili's back gliding down to grasp the brunet's ass spreading his legs wider rocking his hips upward allowing himself to take Kili's cock deeper inside of him. "You feel so good inside me, Kee." 

Warm bodies pressed together, they kissed languidly, sensually slow, touching each other's hair and beards looking lovingly into one another's eyes before Kili moved to kiss Fili's neck while he rolled his hips grinding deeper into his lover. Fili moaned with pleasure feeling Kili inside him, and his own stiff cock gliding between their bodies. 

Even drawn together by lust, Fili could feel the love Kili conveyed with every rough or gentle touch. How every nerve of his heated skin reacted to his touch. This had to be true love, and it felt like falling off the edge of the world drifting endlessly wrapped in a sea of darkness lit only by the flashing stars behind their closed eyes as they became one thrusting their hips together in finding their perfect rhythm. 

Kili’s long dark hair draped around Fili’s face as the brunet leaned his forehead against his lover. Lost in those alluring dark eyes, Fili wanted to watch Kili come undone. "Come on, Kili...fuck me...fuck me hard...I wanna feel you come in me.." 

Smoothing his hands sensually up Fili’s arms to entwine their fingers, drawing his arms above his head continuing to slide his throbbing cock in and out of Fili's heat harder, burying himself deeper with every rocking motion of his hips, building momentum thrusting faster and faster until he groaned loudly when he was about to come as his hips snapped forward a couple times. “Fuck! Fili! Oh Fili!...” he panted holding himself in place as his cock pulsed deep inside Fili releasing his seed into his lover. Kili’s arms quivered as he let go of Fili’s hands emptying every last drop inside of him. 

The second Kili released his hold on Fili’s hands, the blond reached for his own aching hard-on, furiously palming himself repeating his lover’s name over and over rubbing his cockhead against Kili’s body. 

Replacing Fili’s hand with his own, Kili took over palming his friend’s cock. "Come for me, Fili...come on...come for me..." Kili begged wanting to satisfy his friend's needs, pumping his fist up and down faster until Fili's orgasm ripped through his body with such intensity, like a flame igniting a fire inside of him he cried out, "I'm coming! Kili! Fuck! Oh fuck that's good!"spurting his thick white seed over his belly and chest, coating Kili’s hand which he promptly took a taste of with a swipe of his tongue before wiping the rest on his sheet then pulling the sheet up to clean Fili as well. 

Still somewhat intoxicated, Kili fell over on the mattress next to boneless Fili, both lying there shaking and panting trying to recover from their sexual activities. 

With a grin, Fili snickered still breathing heavily. “Your Mom’s not going to appreciate what you just did to her sheet.”

Kili exhaled hard, shaking his head he laughed. “She probably wouldn’t appreciate what we just did on my bed either, but we’re not going to tell her, are we?”

Wanting to touch Fili more, Kili drank in how beautiful his golden blond looked in the low lighting, his skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat. So content Fili felt looking back at Kili gazing in awe at him. 

"I love you so much, Kee."

"I love you too, Fee. I'm sorry it took this long for me to come to terms with myself about how much I really love you, and wanted you like that."

Still feeling a tad bit drunk and horny, Fili roll over pulling himself up to lay on top of his friend to kiss him some more before their sated bodies relaxed as they drifted off to sleep. 

When Thorin and Dis returned home, the house was dark and quiet. It was unusual for them to be asleep so early. "They must have had a little too much fun out with their friends." Dis said as she started up the stairs. 

"I'll check on them. You go on to bed." Thorin offered. After Dis had gone to her room, Thorin lightly knocked on Fili's bedroom door, then opened it to find an empty bed. "Hmm?" Turning to go across the hallway, he knocked lightly on Kili's bedroom and proceeded to enter. 

Seeing the his boys sprawled across the center of the bed naked lying together with limbs entangled, Thorin shook his head. "I knew it." Quietly the older man closed the door. Just before he got to his room, Dis opened her door to peek out. "Are they here?" 

In a hushed tone, Thorin's deep voice answered his sister. "Yes, no worries. They're fine. They're right where they were meant to be." 

*

Waking in a slight haze, still draped over Kili, Fili nuzzled beneath his lover's long hair to begin to mark him. At first Kili's closed eyes squeezed closed a bit tighter as he moaned welcoming the pain of Fili biting down on the smooth skin of his neck as he began to suck. Suddenly becoming more aware of what Fili was doing, Kili instantly scooted across the mattress away from him. 

"Fili, Stop! You can't do that to me!"

Fili furrowed his brow. "Why not?"

Stuttering Kili blurted out. "B-Because! Venice will see it!" 

"So what? I want everyone to see it!" Sobering up real quick, the blond sat up glaring at Kili in confusion. "Kili? What wrong?" 

Kili looked like a frightened animal cowering away from him not knowing what to say, and cringed when Fili figured it out. 

"Kili! After what we did last night? And...y-you told me you love me! You're not still planning on marrying that wench are you?!" 

"I-I have to." 

"What do you mean you have to?" Then a dreadful thought crossed his mind. "Oh gods...she's not..." 

Kili quickly rid Fili of that thought. "No! No, she's not pregnant. I told you, you were my first. And gods don't give her any more ideas on how to control me!" 

"Unbelievable. Tauriel was right. You're marrying her to seal the deal with her father so you can be in his movie." 

Fili immediately got out of bed to find his clothes. Kili sat up and hung his head not knowing what to say knowing how furious Fili was with him. Pulling on his briefs, the blond shook his head in disbelief. "It was one thing to mess around when we were younger, but this...this was so much more to me, Kili. Why would you do this to me, if you knew you were still going through with this fake marriage?! Does being in this movie mean more to you than being with me?" 

If things weren't bad enough, with a click of the doorknob opening, Venice walked in letting out a quiet gasp seeing Kili naked on the bed and Fili standing dressed only in his briefs standing next to the bed holding his other clothes. The room suddenly felt very cold to Kili pulling the blankets up to cover himself as Fili shot him a look of exasperation and despair. 

Picking up one more article of clothing, Fili gave Venice a cocky grin as he passed by her to leave the room for his own. "He's all yours, sweetheart!" 

Venice eyed Kili with disgust. "Did you... _sleep_ with him?"

Confused and angry with himself, Kili threw off the blankets and grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms off the floor to throw on quickly. Refusing to answer or even look at his fiancé, Kili started to leave the room to go after Fili, but Venice snagged his arm to stop him. "Kili?" She searched his eyes for truth. 

"I need to talk to Fili. Alone." He jerked his arm away from the girl to cross the hallway and enter Fili's room.

"Fili, I'm sorry!" Standing by one of his dressers, Fili finished rooting through the drawer to pull out the shirt he was looking for completely ignoring Kili. 

"I'm sorry too. For ever believing you might actually have feelings for me. Get out of my room." Fili put on the shirt and began busing himself straightening up his room, putting things away blocking out every word that spewed from Kili's mouth assuming he would only speak more lies and provide more excuses. 

Knowing Fili didn't hear a word he said, Kili left his friend's room just as angry with him as Fili had been when he left Kili in his room. Feeling trapped in his own home, Fili didn't know what to do or where to go.

Crawling into his bed beneath the blankets, all he wanted to do was hide from everyone hearing voices loud with arguing, and slamming doors on the other side of his closed door. The house shook when the front door slammed shut. After the sound of squealing tires leaving the driveway, then more voices shouting at one another, footsteps running up the stairs followed. 

The only place Fili every felt safe was his bed to hide from the world under his blankets, and suddenly his bedroom wasn't even his sanctuary anymore when his bedroom door flew open. Venice didn't want to draw more attention to herself from Dis or Thorin, so she kept her voice low when approached his bed. "Stay away from, Kili. I'm warning you!" 

With reflexes like a viper, the blankets flew off the irate blond as his hand reached out to snatch the female's wrist. "Don't ever come into my room and fucking threaten me in my home, you fucking bitch!" 

Venice gasped and blinked as she quickly freed her wrist from Fili's grasp. "I love Kili, and I want him! I ALWAYS get what I want! Don't ruin our day tomorrow." 

As the girl started out his room, Fili bolted out of his bed getting right behind her he confessed in a hushed tone. "Kili really is a good fuck! Just know _you_ won't be his first!" 

Giving the shocked female a little shove out into the hallway, Fili slammed his door closed and locked it. His mind raced. _'This rich bitch ain't taking what was always meant to be mine. Kili's too naïve and easily played. I have to do something to stop this madness!'_


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't know what to do, Ori." Kili sat on the Ri's couch next to the only friend he felt he could open up to. 

Dori brought the boys some tea. "I'll leave you two some privacy. Let me know if you need anything. Good to have you home, Kili! When you're done with Ori, you must tell me all about how your experiences at school. I loved it there, and I was sure it would be perfect for you!" 

"Thanks, Dori! I will. It is a very lovely college, and great teachers. I can't thank you enough for helping me get the scholarship there." Kili loved Dori for everything he'd ever done for him. With a nod Dori went on his way to fuss with Nori in the back room. 

Ori was patient listening to all Kili had to say, checking his phone once as he received a text. When Kili had his say, he asked Ori if he would be his best man since Fili obviously would not take that role now. 

With ever ounce of restraint, Ori's answer was, "Yes. I'll be the best man." The new best man's clarity of purpose was true and made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. He had never felt so important before taking on such a role in someone else's life.

*

When the doorbell rang, Fili's heart stopped. "It can't be already." As he started down the stairs, the blond froze in his tracks hearing Thorin greeting their guest. "Oh fuck." 

"Come on in, Dad! I'll go out to the cab and get your things." Dis came to the foyer to greet her father as Thorin went out the front door. 

"Merry Christmas, Dad! I'm sorry all this was so sudden. I know you didn't really want to come this year, but..."

"I wouldn't miss my grandson's wedding for anything! I made him a promise year's ago, when he got married to a fine lady I'd turn over the other half of my business to him."

Dis choked a bit. "I'm sorry I was such a disappointment." 

"Yes. Well, running off with that low-life musician wasn't your best choice now was it, Dis? If it wasn't for Thorin coming home to apologize to me, you'd been living on the streets!" 

It was none of Fili's business, but the callousness of the man's words toward his only daughter was insensitive and harsh. Because Fili loved Dis like his own mother he wished he could defend her, but knew where he stood with the old man and that wouldn't make things any better for either of them. 

Hearing everything the old man was saying brought even more clarity to why Kili was possibly still going through with this false marriage. What eighteen year old wouldn't want to become an instant millionaire? Owning the other half of the Oaks family business would set Kili up for life. 

Fili returned to his room feeling more depressed over everything until Thorin came to him after putting his father's things in his guest room. 

"Fili...I, um...when Dis and I came home last night, I went to check on you and Kili..." Fili's heart dropped knowing Thorin had seen them together. "...I'm sorry. I thought after finding you two together as you were last night, Kili would've ended this preposterous idea of marrying that girl." 

Thorin could see and feel the heartbreak the blond was experiencing. "You love Kili, don't you?"

Tears flooding Fili's crystal blue eyes as he nodded. "He told me he loves me too. He said he has to marry Venice...because he wants to be in that movie so badly, and I overheard your dad telling Dis how he promised Kili the other half of your business if he married."

Thorin inhaled sharply. "Is that so? Well...it is Kili's decision. It is his life, and though I don't agree, I guess he'll have to learn from his own mistakes." 

"Can't you talk to him, Thorin?" Fili felt Thorin may be his only hope, but the older brunet refused.

"I already did, but I got nowhere with him. I didn't know all the facts until now though." Thorin placed a hand on Fili's back. "I am sorry, Fili. I do believe you two were meant to be together."

~`~

Overnight, the snowfall left a light blanket of snow over the countryside and the lake making for a picture perfect day as the sunrise welcomed Kili's wedding day. Thorin was able to arrange to use their local country club situated by the beautiful lake near their family home for the event. 

The young groom was up early making tea for himself and his mother. Tauriel reluctantly agreed to let Venice spend the night with her family before the wedding keeping up with the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. 

Dis picked up the tea cup to take a sip noticing how Kili's hands shook nervously. "Wedding jitters?" 

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah."

"Did you talk to your grandfather last night?"

"Yes. After the wedding, he's made an appointment with his lawyer to sign over the business to me."

"Kili...you don't have to do this you know."

"But Granddad..."

Dis shook her head and put motherly hand over her son's. "Kili, there's more to life than fame and fortune. Thorin and I will help you anyway we can, you don't need the headaches of our family's business! And Dori has spoke so highly of you're talents in acting! You're young, you just got started! Your time will come, sweetheart. You are talented enough to earn an acting job whether it be on a stage or to be in a movie on your own. Don't marry someone for all the wrong reasons. You should marry for love...and I don't believe you really love Venice."

Kili's eyes darted up to his mother's blue eyes only to dart away. "Do you love her, Kili?" The brunet couldn't answer his mother honestly, so he ignored her altogether getting up from the table to go upstairs. "I have to start getting ready. The wedding's in a couple hours."

Fili entered the kitchen as Kili was leaving. "I guess you won't be at my wedding?" 

The blond shook his head. "No. I won't." With a nod, the groom was on his way up the stairs to prepare for his big day.

Dis looked at Fili with much sadness between them. "I'm sorry, Dis. I tried to stop him." The distraught mother swallowed hard. "I know you did. We all did. Kili's headstrong, and it will take much more than our words to get through to him."

~`~

Standing before the small audience of family and friends, Kili felt his legs turning to gelatin seeing Venice walking down the isle toward him following behind Tauriel. The look on his redheaded friend's face calmed his nerves wanting to laugh as she pretended to gag and roll her eyes at him. Kili knew how much Tauriel hated Venice, but was grateful for her hospitality she showed his bride since they had been home.

Ori stood next to Kili with a smug grin on his face giving his boyfriend, Dwalin a nod and a wink. Thorin's dad noticed the exchange of gestures between the young men, and grumbled in disgust.

As the ceremony began, Ori saw a certain blond slip in to sit in the last row of chairs at the back of the room. As a huge mischievous smiled spread across the best man's face, he gave Fili a nod. 

Fili held his breath awaiting the moment he knew was coming, but his concentration on the vows was broken when a new guest arrived to sit next to him. "You came..."

As the officiate said the words "If anyone has reason these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or..." 

Fili's eyes darted to Ori as his friend opened his mouth to speak. "I do!" But suddenly everyone in the room's attention was instead pulled to the back of the room when the surprise guest stood up to speak out as well.

"I need to speak..." The man next to Fili took a few steps down the isle, as Dis gasped loudly grabbing her heart with one hand and Thorin's arm with the other. 

"Frerin!" She shouted, and the room went silent staring at the tall handsome blond man. 

Ori looked at Fili in confusion. _'Who is this guy? He just stole my thunder!'_ The best man thought, but soon realized this man was going to make more of an impact than he would have.

"Kili...I'm sorry to intrude on your special moment, but I know what you're doing and why, and you need to hear me out." Kili's brow furrowed looking around the room finding Dis and Thorin sitting in silent shock, his grandfather looking away mumbling to himself, and at last Fili sitting in the back row with eyes on Frerin. 

"I'm your uncle. I don't know what you really know about me, but your friend, Fili found me. He told me everything about you. About how much he loves you." Mumbling from the crowd grew as some of the guests turned to find Fili somewhat sinking in his seat not really wanting any attention on himself. "Do you truly love this girl?"

Kili felt Venice give him a little hip bump. "Kili? Answer him. You do love me, don't you?"

"No. No, I don't. I love Fili." The groom looked at his grandfather turning red with outrage. 

The old man stood up and shouted at Frerin across the room accusing him of ruining Kili's wedding, and bringing his filthy lifestyle to this sacred occasion between a man and a woman. Venice ran out a side door, and though Tauriel disliked her immensely, she did feel for the girl's embarrassment so she followed after her giving Kili a little pat on the back as she passed by. "Good for you, Kee!"

"Granddad! Stop it! I just said, I love Fili! I can't help what I feel, and it's not wrong! Frerin was never wrong!" Fili finally stood up, and walked up next to Frerin. "I'm sorry, Fili. For everything I've ever done to hurt you." Running down the short isle, Kili threw his arms around his best friend. "I love you, Fili!"

"I love you, Kili." Frerin smiled and patted Kili on the shoulder. "You two are exactly where you need to be now."

~`~

Fili told the Oaks family how he had found Frerin during his months on the road, and had invited him there for a Christmas surprise. After many longs talks between family members, Kili's grandfather left for home unchanged in his ignorant thoughts, still never forgiving Frerin, and disowning his grandson. Thorin and Dis said good-bye to their father for the last time. 

Frerin told his siblings, and nephew how he eventually found himself in the world of stage performing in New York. He had become a teacher at a school for performing arts in the city, and offered to take Kili in as a new student, giving his nephew and boyfriend, Fili a place to stay as well. 

Fili was excited about the opportunity to live in New York, and to train to become one of the cities finest SWAT team members. 

*

"Fili? What are you doing with those handcuffs?" Kili saw that look in Fili's eye as his boyfriend dangled the shiny cuffs above him. 

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm going to with these! We could _experiment_ a little, what'd ya think?" The two lovers giggled a bit before slipping into a loving embrace pulling their warm naked bodies together falling into a hot passionate kiss. "I love you, Kee."

"You really are my best friend, you know. I love you, Fee." 

"I know." Running his fingers through Kili's hair, Fili smiled and gave his lover a sweet kiss. "We are truly best friends and lovers forever." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! Hope you all enjoyed the story! 
> 
> I've never been formally trained in writing, I do this for my own enjoyment in hopes what I write can entertain others as well, so it means a lot to me when I get the feedback that I get from you all. <3  
> Thank you everyone for all the comments and kudos, I appreciate all your support very much!!!


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